Frustrations

My hands have been really bothering me lately.  I'm having trouble texting (not too big of a deal, but annoying none the less).  Both of them are acting up.  You know that feeling you get in your legs if you jog up stairs really fast?  When they fill with lactose or whatever?  That's why my hands feel like when I do stuff.  I've been trying to Google information, but I just find the same articles over and over.

Chris is at his brother's house this weekend.  =(  I'm home alone.  Well, I'm here with the cats.  I'm working tomorrow and Sunday, so that's why I'm not at Dave's with Chris.  I'm bored already.

Research

I was researching the 90's for a new story I'm working on.  Did you know that on Wikipedia you can search for a year and it'll give you a run down of what happened?  I typed in 1994.  Here's what I found:

August 20 – In Honolulu, Hawaii, during a circus international performance, an elephant named Tyke crushes her trainer Allen Campbell to death before hundreds of horrified spectators, at the Neal Blaisdell Arena.

So I clicked on "Tyke" for some more info.

On April 21, 1993, 16 months before the incident in Hawaii, Tyke ripped through the front doors of the Jaffa Mosque during a performance and ran out of control for an hour in Altoona, Pennsylvania. An estimated 4,500 school children had to leave the building as it was evacuated, and the rampage caused more than $14,000 in damage.

Dude, that totally happened in Altoona, where I live, and I had no idea.  Granted, I was 10 years old, but I have no recollection of hearing about this elephant running loose. 

I went to youtube and found the video of the elephant attacking his trainers and then being shot.  It just reaffirms my hatred for zoos and circuses.  The trainer had cocaine and alcohol in his system when they did the autopsy; he had complaints filed against him before for abusing elephants.  You'd think by the 90's that PETA and all those kinds of groups would've done something about the mistreatment of circus and zoo animals by then.  And, since they hadn't, it kind of makes me think that almost twenty years later not much has probably changed.

Failure

Well, I failed at NaNoWriMo.  5,000 words short.  The last day of it, I was coming down with a cold (which I still am fighting off).  I sat on my "thinking chair" (ha ha, Blue's Clues!) and just stared at my lap top.  I couldn't even think.  I'm still going to finish the book.  Chris keeps telling me to hurry up and get it and the other one I finished published so he can "retire".  Right...

Debating what to do for Christmas for the girls at the office.  I was thinking about getting them each a nail polish that I think would fit them, but if I go with OPI (my natural choice), I'll be pushing $115 total, not including cards or any kind of wrapping.  I don't want to go cheap, though.  Sally Hansen nail polish is...ok, but not the best.  Maybe I can find some middle ground with Orly or China Glaze at Sally's...that is, if Chris works out our bills and such and says it's ok for me to spend the money. 

Originally, I was going to make my car payment late this month (like I pay it on time any other month or something) and get my Christmas present: a tattoo.  But now we have to give Chris' mom money, we need groceries desperately, and I want to get stuff for my coworkers.  My tattoo might have to wait til next year.  :'(

I had a dream about getting a tattoo.  For some reason, I wanted to get flames or something on my toes and I was calling tattoo places, or text them maybe?, and asking when they could get me in.  They were being really mean to me.

It's been a while

Since I usually blog at work, I haven't been blogging much because now at work I either work or write my book for NaNoWriMo.  My schedule coming up really sucks.  I'm going to be 9-5.  :P  Actually, a couple days next week I have to be there at 8 to learn the mail room.  Hooray.  As far as I can tell, the mail room really sucks, so not looking forward to that.

I'm trying to convince Chris to get me a tattoo for Christmas.  I have so many ideas for tattoos!

  

Weird soreness

Yesterday, I woke up feeling like my cat scratched me on the neck.  Nothing was there, though.  As the day progressed, my neck got more and more sore.  I took some ibuprofen and went to sleep, but when I woke up today it was the same, even worse.  Now other parts of my body are following suite.  I will feel random sore spots on my skin.  It's really weird.  I'm not sure what to do, other than take pain pills.

A week of ramblings

Well, I've been away from my blog to participate in NaNoWriMo.  I'm past 14k words, but kinda stuck.  My story wants to end itself rather soon, so I have to stall it.  Lulz, my story has control of me!

I ended up dressing as Sally from a Nightmare Before Christmas for Halloween and I won movie gift certificates for being "Most Theatrical", so that was nice.  When I wore my Sally costume at NAC, I lost the contest to a lady who dressed as a witch (or, everyone else said, wore a hat to work.)

I was driving my nephew home today from preschool and he started telling me this elaborate story about how the sun was fake and was just a normal light but was losing power.  He was carrying the "real" sun into the house and it was sooo heavy.  It has me thinking now about writing a kids book about all the stories he makes up.

Alexander the movie was on TV today.  I don't know how I missed this jewel of hot guys before!  Colin, Jared, that other hot guy...and I'm pretty sure they're all gay for each other.  OMG, love it!  Why hadn't anyone told me about this movie?!  I'm kinda angry!  Lol.

Chris is finally back to work.  When I found out my boss doesn't like tattoos, I've thought about nothing else.  I really want another tattoo, but we can hardly pay our electricity, water, and gas bills.  Bill collectors call me every day.  I'm still thinking about bankruptcy.  I should talk to Chris about it.

Movie catch-up

Watched three movies this weekend that most of the general population have already seen.

Green Lantern- Rented.  It was alright.  Not quite X-Men, but I like Ryan Reynolds.  I don't understand how the main fight took place in space, though.  I mean, I know the Green Lanterns have powers, but the power to not have to breathe?  That was off-putting.

Bridesmaids- Rented.  Wow, this movie was dumb.  I only laughed once or twice, mainly at the pooping/vomiting part.  The whole movie was trying way to hard to be funny, or at least that's what it felt like to me.  It had so much potential and I was really disappointed.  And for having all those SNL ladies acting (and most likely writing) it, I was semi-surprised at the lack of humor.  Not too surprised, though, because, let's face it: SNL isn't that funny anymore.

Twilight- DVR.  FX premiered Twilight the other day and I set the DVR to record it.  Something to do on a rainy day and I've been meaning to buy the books (when I get some money).  I liked it.  Again, I like the Patterson guy who plays Edward (his name escapes me at the moment), but the story was cool.  Chris actually watched it with me and didn't complain.  We both like vampires and stuff along those lines.  The action was pretty sweet and it had some funny parts.  I might look into buying the books AND the movies some day.

The Twilight movie made me think of a book I haven't worked on in a while.  Maybe I'll resurrect that and work on it for NaNoWriMo.  It's funny; I wrote the book almost ten years ago but the story is kinda similar to Twilight.  Instead of vampires, it's ghosts.  Then again, there's no such thing as an original story.

Alien baby

Last night an alien baby tried to crawl out of my rib cage...or at least that's what it felt like.  My ribs are at it again.  Moving and shifting or whatever the hell fibrous dysplasia makes them do.  I was tossing and turning.  If it wasn't my ribs, it was either side of my neck.  It ached, like I was out in the cold.

Ugh.  My ribs are still hurting as I type this.  Every time I breathe or stand up.  I had to sleep on my back last night.  Ew, do you know how much that sucks?

Wonderful dream, disappointing reality

I had a dream last night that Chris and I took a cruise ship to Japan (that's impossible, right?).  The toilets were so cute on the ship.  They had cartoon ducks on them and lit up different colors.  There was this "ghetto" section of the boat and I was tired so I sat down there and some guy accosted me.  He grabbed me by my industrial piercing and one of the holes ripped (ok, so that wasn't so wonderful).  Chris beat him up, I think.  When we got to Japan, we went shopping, even though we didn't have any money.  (Even in my dreams I'm poor!)  There was Hello Kitty stuff everywhere!  And get this: I found a Hello Kitty/OPI nailpolish.  It was red and sparkly AND was in a bottle shaped like a strawberry.  It came with the polish and a Hello Kitty figure.  In my dream, I said to Chris, "Chris, I'm just warning you, I might have to buy that."  There were other stores; I don't remember too much about them.  I know one place had hair brushes that looked like toilet brushes and you could record your voice on them.  (Why?  I don't know.)

So then after I woke up, I had to go talk to the hand doctor about my MRI.  He said it was normal.  =|  That he could do coritzone shots, but he wouldn't know what for.  =|  That I should just ignore it and deal with it.  =|  That I should stay away from doctors.  =|  Really?  Really?!

Next step is the rheumatologist...once I get some money.  Speaking of money, I'm considering bankruptcy to get a break from the bill collector calls.  Plus the fact that Chris can't work (oh yeah!  We found out yesterday that he has a congenital defect in his back and that's why it hurts so much).  I know that it messes up your credit score, but mine is already f'ed in the A from not paying on my credit cards.  We shall see.

Oh, the pain...

So I had my MRI on Thursday.  Now, I've had an MRI before.  Granted, it was of my brain so all I had to do was lay there on my back with ear plugs in.  An MRI of the wrist is a little different.  They put a little sticker thing on my "bump", wrapped a washcloth around my hand/wrist, then put some big plastic things around it and strapped those together.  I had to lay on my stomach (with my gown flapping in the breeze behind me) and hold my arm out.  If you've never had an MRI, it takes flippin' forever so ten minutes into it my shoulder was burning.  I had my other hand on my upper arm and when I moved my fingers, I noticed I had lost feeling in my arm.  Terrific!  If only I had lost feeling in my shoulder.  I must've been squirming or something 'cause the dude doing the test came through my headphones and said, "You doing ok?"  I adjusted myself a bit and said (into the empty room, I'm assuming there was a mic somewhere and he could hear me), "My shoulder really hurts."  He assured me there was only TEN MORE MINUTES left and reminded me to hold still.

Finally, it was over and he came back in the room and took all the crap off my wrist.  I...could...not...move.  My arms felt like Jell-O.  He's all handing me my glasses, throwing my shoes at me.  I just sat there like a 'tard and tried to lift my shoes off the floor.  I thought they would do contrast because the lady pre-registering me on the phone asked about my veins, but the guy said only if they needed to do an arthrogram and that might come later.  I don't think he believed that it was a ganglion cyst.  He kinda looked at me weird when I told him that's why I was there.

Anyway, I have been in pain every morning for the past month and it's getting old.  Chris fell at work and hurt his back, so the both of us hobbling around the house is a hilarious site, I'm sure.  Today the back of my neck is aching.  I've noticed that now not only my right hand but also the knuckle of my pointer finger hurts and my wrist and thumb have started creaking and cracking.  I'm dreading doing laundry tomorrow, but someone has to.  Chris has no clean clothes left and he can't be lifting the clothes basket.  We're a bunch of winners, I tell ya.

Ganglion cyst?

Well, the doctor doesn't think I have tendonitis; he thinks it might be a ganglion cyst.  They're going to schedule an MRI sometime this week.

Depending on what that shows, I might still make an appointment with a rheumatologist.

Omg, I am so tired right now.  All this weekend I've been achy and tired.  Blah.  I almost want to call my mom and have her bring me some Mountain Dew (I'm out of change), but then I'd never get to sleep.

Health Trek

And so my health trek begins...

I have an appointment on Monday with a hand/wrist guy about my tendonitis.  But now my shoulder is bothering me again, and I was debating whether I should just cancel that appointment and go to a rheumatologist.  Maybe the hand/wrist guy will recommend I go to one.

Sad realization

I had the sad realization at work today when everyone was showing pictures of their kids or talking about their kids: I am the weird cat lady.  I don't have the "old" part yet of the weird, OLD cat lady, but I have the "cat" and the "weird" down.

My work desktop background is a picture of my kitty:

I'm the only one in my department that has tattoos, one being on my wrist that's clearly visible to everyone.  I don't bake, I don't sew, I don't cook massive dinners.  I can't share recipes or talk about gardening.  I play computer games and watching Tosh.0.  I read and watch TV shows about murders.  I stick out like a sore thumb.

Unless Kristin's there.  I like her.  She needs to work more; no more of this PRN stuff!

I must be getting old...

Or it's my pillows.  Or mattress.  Or both.

I wake up in pain every day.  My neck, shoulders, and wrists/hands.  My tendonitis has really been bothering me; there's a nice pillow of swelling over my hand.  I can feel it jiggle when I move.  I don't know what I'm supposed to do.  I can't NOT use my hand.  It's my right hand!  But I'm losing more and more movement in it.  I tried to draw digitally tonight and I just can't do it anymore.  I used to sit and work on web page layouts for hours at a time, using the mouse to select intricate things, pixel by pixel.  Not only can I not physically do it with my hand, it's really hard for me to see, too.

Holy crap, I'm not even 28 and a half.....am I having my mid-mid-life crisis?

Catching up on some reading!

I've read two books this weekend and I'm working on my third.  All by Tess Gerritsen, who I'm becoming to love.  But now comes the weird part: does anyone else, after a weekend of reading, suddenly start having an inner monologue/narration?  i.e.

I pull my Kia up the wrong side of the road (oh, my dad would kill me if he was in the car right now) as close as I can get to the weird neighbor's crotch rocket parked at an angle against the curb.  Why does she even still have that stupid thing out?  It's October.  I haven't seen her ride it since July!  Oh well.  Mr. Previously-a-cop-car-driving-Neighbor likes to park right at the edge of the alley so it makes parking (for me, anyway) on the other side of the alley a little harder.  Well, if you ask Chris, it's a driveway, even though it has a slope of almost 90 degrees...so I guess it doesn't make it a very good alley either.

Mom and Dad's van is gone.  That's weird.  It's a little after 8 on a Sunday.  When Dad goes to school, he usually takes the Subaru.  Maybe they went to visit Great Aunt Verna in the nursing home. Probably.  I look up at our small, rented house.  Chris doesn't have the porch light or inside light on.  Only the $5 lighted skull decoration we bought at Walmart greets me.  Our neighbor has lights, wind chimes, and a huge blow-up black cat that turns in head back and forth.  What do we have to celebrate Halloween?  A lighted skull.  I don't care, I'm still proud of it. 

I can see the glow from the TV through the shut screen door.  Chris has the front door open for fresh air.  I head up the steps, hiking my jeans up as I go; remembering the horrid days we moved in last March.  I'm sure the whole neighborhood got to see my various underwear choices that week.  I could not keep my pants up going up and down those steps. Cold pizza, dirty paper plates, and red plastic cups greet me as I walk through the door.  Chris is in his usual spot: the recliner.  He's holding Baby and she greets me with squinty eyes.

Anyone else go through this?  All day, I've been narrating and talking to myself.

Fun at work...yeah...

For the second time since I've been working here, I've spilled the soup I brought in for lunch.  The first time, the cup tipped over in the microwave and I spent fifteen minutes cleaning the mini stars out of all the cracks and crevices.  Today, however, I sent my soup container flying across my desk, onto some papers, and into my lap.  Thankfully, I was able to call Chris and my parents and arrange to have an outfit brought over.

I feel much better now in clean clothes.  I am listening to my Daniel Tosh station on Pandora now.  They're playing some clips from Aziz Ansari; he is freakin' funny.

My last rejection email is weighing on my mind.  I need to write some more.  I need some inspiration or something.

"Great" clips?

I went to Great Clips today to get some bangs cut.  I should've just cut them myself.  Instead of getting the lady who signed me in (who had nice bangs that I liked), I got some lady with Parkinson's.  I told her I wanted bangs and then to kinda blend them in.  She blended my long bangs, her hands shaking extremely visibly, and was ready to let me walk out the door.  So I said, "No, I want the short bangs, too," and so she cut like three hairs that laid retardedly on my huge forehead.  Thanks.  I didn't want to argue, so I left and drove over to Walmart, got new shampoo, a new hair dryer, and some Salon Paas pain relief patches for my hand.  While listening to Criminal Minds in the background, I cut my own freakin bangs.

I drank mostly Mountain Dew today, so I'm not sure when I'll fall asleep tonight.  Work early tomorrow and then all weekend, hooray.

Rejection letter #3

This time the publisher wasn't accepting new material...or so they say.  I've been trying to work on new book ideas, but working all this overtime has me drained.  It also doesn't help my tendonitis; I come home in pain every night.  Typing and writing and the way my desk is set up...not good.

Holy overtime, Batman!

I've been working a LOT of overtime.  I'm working 10-9 tonight because someone called off.  I worked 10 hours yesterday and Friday.  Also, my raise kicks in this month.  Hooray!  Mary might have some money!...

To go directly to bills.  =|

I'm pregnant...with fatness

I've decided: I'm pregnant with fatness and I think it's triplets.

I think I blogged before about how I don't realize how fat I am.  In my mind, I'm still the "kinda fat" girl I used to be...thirty pounds ago (that pic up there ^^^).  There have been some subtle hints, I suppose, to my fatness.  Such as,
1. The sudden need to unbutton my pants all the time
2. Suffocation by my own boobs when I tie my shoes
3. Louder footsteps
4. The inability to paint my toenails
5. The inability to reach my right arm across to my left side and vice versa

There are just some days where I feel huge and today is one of them.  I'm at work and have my pants undone.  (Thankfully, I'm the only one here).  Of course, it could be because all I've had to drink today is sugared pop and I just got done stuffing my face with Tastykakes and Sunchips.  Why do I eat like food is going out of style?

I actually think I have an answer for it.  My ex-husband never let me eat.  I was never given money for lunch or snacks when we went to work.  At family get-togethers, he never ate so I'd feel bad eating in front of him.  (Why didn't he eat?  Because he was a psycho).  I must've lost my mind and thought I was fat when I weighed in the 140-150 range and went on Weight Watchers.  He was very good at monitoring my points for me.

Now that I'm away from him, I think I eat because I was never allowed to when I was with him.  I think it's a psychologically rooted problem.  It would probably help things if I exercised, though.  I need to use my treadmill.  Even if just for the sake of Chris making fun of me all the time because I don't use it.  Maybe I'll walk for a half an hour or so tonight before I play WoW.

Ah, just remembered why I tend to not walk so much.  If I walk on that stupid thing (or anywhere, for that matter) for more than 30-45 minutes, my hips start to hurt.  Well, my hips, my knees, crap, even my shoulder will start to hurt.  Waa, waa, I'm such a baby.  That's what I tell myself in my head, but it doesn't stop the pain.

Wow, won't do that again

If anyone saw those last two posts, they were made from my phone...which I will not be doing again.  Totally messed up.

Anyway, I got my second rejection email about Kayla's Second Chance.  The publisher said that it didn't fit with their line of books, but it did fit in with their sister publishing company's...who isn't taking any new material right now.  Oh well.  I'm not discouraged yet.

An excerpt from Kayla's Second Chance

When we first hear about Lacey, one of the book's antagonists.  Kayla and Amy are at the mall, then it skips ahead to a night at the youth center.

     “I talked to Lacey the other day,” Amy reported while they browsed clothing racks at a popular store.  Kayla stopped dead in her tracks, letting a shirt on a hanger fall to the ground.  Even though they had been friends for years, Kayla had stopped talking to Lacey when they were 16.

     “You still talk to her?” Kayla squeaked.  Lacey wasn’t just a horrible friend to Kayla, she had also treated Amy like crap quite a few times.  Amy grinned sheepishly.

     “She called me out of the blue,” she explained.  “She told me about her ex-boyfriend and her new boyfriend and that she’s going to come back to our school.”  Kayla swallowed.

     “Are you joking?” she asked.  Amy slowly shook her head.

     There was more than one occasion where Lacey had been a sucky friend to Kayla the last year they spoke.  She would tell Kayla that she didn’t dress cute enough and that she need to flirt with guys more.  She would make them switch clothes if she was wearing something uncomfortable.  Lacey was like Celeste in that they both thought they were the hottest things on earth.  If Kayla and Lacey were at the mall together and got whistled at Lacey would say, “That guys just whistled at me!”  Any time anything like that would happen it was the same response.  “That guy was staring at me!  That guy was flirting with me.  That guy just honked at me!”  As if Kayla were invisible.

     Then the two had their first of many disagreements.  Both of them liked the same guy, so Kayla being a good friend was going to take it easy and not make any moves; if the guy asked her out she was going to make sure Lacey would be alright with it.  Well, the guy ended up asking Lacey out and Lacey said yes without even consulting Kayla and then couldn’t understand why Kayla was so angry.  Of course, the three of them would have to hang out together, even though Kayla still had feelings for the guy; she’d have to watch them cuddle and make out in front of her.

     While Lacey was still going out with that guy, Kayla began to like an older guy, Josh, that went to their youth group.  Since he was 20 and she was 16, he told Kayla that he would date her when she turned 18.  They remained friendly and flirty…until he started calling her Lacey sometimes.  Kayla didn’t think much of it at first; people often got her and Lacey confused.  But then Lacey (after making Kayla break up with her previously mentioned boyfriend over the phone for her) asked Kayla to hook her up with Josh.  That’s when Kayla had it.  She told Lacey that she couldn’t fix her up with someone that she liked herself and also let her know that she didn’t appreciate her going out with the other guy without making sure Kayla would be alright with it.  Lacey’s response was:

“He asked me out, not you.”  That was when Kayla stopped talking to her, the summer before 11^th grade.  She learned through mutual friends that Lacey had been calling Josh behind her back for months and had also been telling him lies about her.  Kayla stopped talking to Josh at that point as well and a few months later he had a new girlfriend (neither Kayla nor Lacey) who he had gotten pregnant.  That’s when Kayla realized that it was pointless to chase after guys.  If Josh had really liked her he would have not chatted with Lacey every night on the phone and wouldn’t have just forgotten her and knocked up some other chick.  The school year after that Lacey went to public school and Kayla was glad.

     Guys weren’t Kayla’s only problem with Lacey, either.  Lacey was down right selfish and everyone had to do what she wanted.  If Kayla ever needed something to eat and didn’t have money while they were out and about doing Lacey’s errands, she’d practically have to beg Lacey for something to eat.  And Lacey never let her forget that she loaned her money or bought her a meal.  The second she needed some cash she’d be calling Kayla up wanting it paid back, even if they hadn’t seen each other in months.

     Kayla believed that friends shouldn’t be like that.  Amy needed money sometimes to go bowling or out to eat and Kayla wouldn’t think twice about paying for her.  She would never keep a mental tally like Lacey did of how much Amy owed her.  Lacey was a bitch…and now Amy was claiming she’s coming back to the school…which did not happen five years ago.

***

    Amy’s dad pulled into the alley alongside the youth center.  Suddenly, Kayla’s stomach filled with butterflies.  She cursed at herself for it and hopped out of the car.  The girls thanked Amy’s dad and then walked inside.

     Instantly, Kayla’s mind was flooded with memories triggered by the smell of sweaty boys and pizza.  She had to blink her eyes a few times to adjust to the fluorescent lighting.  A small game of basketball was already going on and as Kayla and Amy stepped through the door they almost got beamed in the head with the ball.  The boys laughed and continued playing.

    “Jerks,” Kayla mumbled.  Along the right wall of the gym were seats that had been taken out of a church van for the teens to sit on.  Kayla and Amy threw their purses on an empty seat and looked around.  Kayla was in a state of shock.  Some of the people that were there had been friends with her years ago.  Of course, it wasn’t years ago to them, more like a couple of weeks probably.  What would she say to them if they talked to her?  A girl’s voice beckoned them towards the kitchen.

     “Hey guys!” a girl who Kayla recognized as Laurie greeted.  She leaned into the counter below the kitchen’s window.  Laurie must be on kitchen duty, Kayla thought.  “What’s up?”

     “Oh, you know,” Amy replied.  “School sucks.”

     “I know, I didn’t think junior high would be so different!”  Laurie frowned.

     “You’re in junior high?” Kayla asked, her voice strangely high.  Laurie giggled.

     “Duh, yeah Kayla!” she answered.  “I just started seventh grade.”  Kayla tried to keep her eyes from falling out of her head.  They had a seventh grader…in the kitchen…making food for people to consume!

     “Wow,” Kayla tried to chuckle.  “I feel old.”  The girls laughed and Amy jabbed Kayla in the ribs.

     “I have to pee,” she stated.

     “You want an award?” Kayla retorted.  Amy scowled and took Kayla’s arm, dragging her to the bathroom.

     “You need to get it together,” Amy cried after the door shut behind them.  “Everyone’s going to think you’re insane!”

     “Well, I feel insane!” Kayla cried back.  “Amy, I had crushes on half those guys out there.  That’s illegal!  I’m a freaking pedophile!”  Amy cracked a smile.

     “But you’re seventeen now, not twenty two,” she corrected.  “Plus, I thought they only called men pedophiles?”

     “Regardless, I still feel like a creep.  It would be like you having a crush on a ten year old.”  Amy scrunched up her nose.

     “Ew,” she agreed.  “But you’re stuck being seventeen, as far as you know.  Just try to act like a dumb high school girl.”  Kayla sighed and looked in the mirror next to the sink.  She’d had many a “dumb high school girl” conversation in that bathroom…

     “Josh was sitting so close to me!” Kayla gushed, checking her eye makeup in the mirror.

     “I know,” Lacey replied, redoing her poor excuse for a pony tail.  “Why don’t you just ask him out already?”

     “Because I’m way younger than he is,” Kayla answered.  “Plus, he said he’d date me when I turn eighteen.”

     “He flirts with you constantly.  You need to flirt back.”

     “What do you think I’m doing?”  Lacey scoffed.

     “You just talk to him, you don’t flirt.”  The girls left the bathroom.  In the middle of the basketball court was Amber, a regular ho at the youth center, hanging all over Josh.

     “See, that’s flirting,” Lacey stated.  Kayla’s stomach dropped.

     “I hate her,” she mumbled.  “She’s even younger than I am.”  Amber squealed and laughed as Josh flipped her over his arm swing dance style.

     As Kayla remembered that night, she couldn’t believe how stupid she had been.  Josh’s hitting on an even younger girl should’ve set an alarm off in her head.

     “Let’s go,” Amy said, opening the door.  “Why are you so worried about Lacey, anyway?  I mean, if you don’t like these guys anymore.”

     “It’s not just the fact that she took a guy that I liked,” Kayla explained.  “What made me mad was that she went behind my back, lied to me, lied to the guy about me, and then acted as if she did nothing wrong at all.”  The girls each grabbed a soda out of the vending machine and took a seat.  “You know, she never even apologized.”

     “Look, I doubt she’s even coming,” Amy said after a few more teens arrived and there was no sign of Lacey.  Kayla sighed.

     “You wait, Amy.  There’ll come a day that she screws you up the butt good and hard and I’ll be saying ‘told ya so’.”

      “Kayla, don’t be gross.”  Kayla laughed. 

Movies!

I got caught up on a few movies I'd wanted to see this past week.

First off, we watched Let Me In.  I liked it; Chris, not so much.  It was rather slow, so that was annoying, but I liked the story.

Next was Insidious.  Man, was that dumb.  If you were thinking about watching it, don't.  Save your money and time.  I mean, just....ugh.  Wow.

Then Chris made me watch The Exorcist on Netflix because I've never seen it.  Again: dumb.  I'm not sure how that movie became so popular.  Was it supposed to be scary?

Tonight we watched X-Men: First Class.  Wow.  Loved it.  I've always been a fan of the X-Men movies and this one was great.  Cameos by the "original" X-Men were a nice surprise.  I loved Magnito's theme music.

Well, just rearranged the modem/router because my parents are having trouble picking up the signal.  Now I'm running my computer on wireless because we don't have a wire long enough.  Well, we do, but it's attached to Chris' computer or the Xbox...which I unhooked.  I'm probably going to move it back as soon as Chris is done taking his nap.

Smell break, please?

I can't catch a smell break!  First, my house stinks like cat pee because the used furniture we got a while ago is permeating cat piss and nothing I did to get rid of it helped.  Now, the basement stench has filled the house, even though we have the dehumidifier running non-stop and I've been spraying Lysol down there twice a day.  I boiled some vinegar tonight to hopefully get rid of it.  I might have to wash everything cloth in the house because the musty smell has taken over everything.

Err..

Well, we did end up having water in our basement.  I called the landlord today and asked if he had a dehumidifier that we could use; he didn't, but he went out and bought one.  It's running right now; hopefully it'll take out the musty smell the basement has.  We might have to take the piece of carpet out that's down there; I'm afraid it's going to get mildewed.

I went for my second step TB test yesterday.  The nurse asked me if she should get an ice pack ready, 'cause of what happened last time, lol.  I told her, no, I'd be ok.  I just can't look at it.  It's so gross!  A gross bump under your skin....ew.

Everyone at work is finding out that I wrote a book.  I didn't want it to get out.  There's always a thousand questions: what's it about, who's it written for, is it a kids' book.  Kids' books.  Ha!  Anyone could write those...well, maybe not.  We had an assignment once in history class (I think, I can't remember too well) to write a historical children's story.  Then we had to trade papers with someone and critique their work.  I forget what mine was about, probably pilgrims or something.  The girl I traded with, however, wrote this semi-love story about Indians wherein the main guy character dies and she describes his blood spilling into a puddle of water.  I immediately handed it back to her like, "Um, Brandy...this is supposed to be for little kids."  She didn't see what the problem was.

I'm already planning a vacation for next summer.  Well, it won't really be a vacation; it'll be our honeymoon since Chris and I haven't had one yet.  I would really like to go to the beach, but Gatlinburg, TN sounds good, too.  I really enjoyed it when I was down there.

9/11

I guess I should post about 9/11.  It was actually only a few days after I started my first blog.  Here is what I wrote:

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

7:00 AM- I wake up to the sound of my alarm.  I had been in a pretty deep sleep and I felt good.  I didn't fall asleep until three that morning because my mind was racing.  (I was nervous about starting a new temporary job Derrick, a friend from the youth center, had gotten me.  It was doing house keeping at a hotel.)  Anyway, I got up quickly, dressed, and walked downstairs. My mom got out of the shower finally and let me use the bathroom. I put in my contacts, brushed my teeth, and thought about what the day would bring. I wondered what the people I would work with today would be like. I wondered if the hotel rooms would be really dirty. I shrugged to myself, finished up and then waited for Derrick to come pick me up.

 7:45 AM- Derrick comes right on time.  He (crazily) drives me to the staffing agency where he works and we meet up with Tonya, the other girl I’m going to be working with. We sit down and wait for him to do some stuff and then we're off. We get on the highway, listening to Derrick’s praise and worship CD, but then get off on the Tyrone exit because Derrick likes the scenic route. I think to myself that the scenic route will take longer, but oh well. We wind around tight curves and stare at the beautiful mountains that spread out before us. We joke around about the pigs and cows we see. For some reason, Derrick and Tonya think both animals are cute. Ew.  We drive past the stable where Derrick keeps his horse and he gets all excited. I look at the clock. 8:39. Derrick says he has to drive fast to get us there on time.  I look at the clock again after a while. 8:47. I can't stop looking at the clock for some reason.  We finally make it to State College and arrive at the hotel.

9:00 AM- Tonya and I are trying to find the person in charge of house keeping.  We finally find her and we settle in, have things explained to us, and then are assigned to Jane, who is going to train us.  Jane takes us to a closet, pulls out a cart and starts loading it with stuff. We get our little soaps, big soaps, tiny shampoos and such, and finally make our way to the third floor where all our rooms were.

9:30 AM- We're in our first room.  Tonya is cleaning the bathroom (bless her heart) and I'm dusting the furniture. A guy who works in laundry comes running down the hall. “Hey! Did you guys hear? Two planes just crashed into the World Trade Center! I don't believe it!” Jane swears and I stand in shock, dusting cloth in hand as Tonya rings out her sponge.  She wonders what we're talking about. I tell her, hardly able to comprehend it. What? What's going on? Two planes crashed? I don't understand.

10:00 AM- We're in our third or fourth room now.  Every room we go in, I turn on the TV to ABC. Jane sits on the bed and swears repeatedly as I try to put the fitted sheets on, shaking like crazy.  I can't believe what's going on! Jane leaves and Tonya is in the bathroom, so I'm all alone to listen to the voices drone on over the facts that I've already heard. Suddenly, the local people come on. What's that they're saying? I listen closer. “Another high-jacked plane has just crashed down 80 miles south of Pittsburgh...” I'm on the verge of tears. PITTSBURGH??!! No! No, no, no, no, no! That is WAY to close to me! I watch in horror as the cancellations go across the bottom of the screen.  Schools that I can name students from are closing early. Baseball, soccer, and football games are all being canceled...

Then, the news anchor says something that makes my stomach turn.  “A suspicious package has been reported being delivered to the Altoona post office.” I collapse onto the bed. Immediately I think of my old school. Do the kids there know? Do my friends know what's going on? Do they know the terror that has struck our wonderful country? Are they safe? I try to push the thought out of my mind, thinking why in the world someone would try to bomb Altoona.  (I would laugh, but it's no laughing matter)

I don't really remember the specific times after that. Every time I looked at the clock it seemed to be only seconds later.  Every time I turned on the news, they seemed to add something even more terrifying. I wanted to leave work. I couldn't concentrate. If I did a bad job, tough tacos.  How can you expect me to work when my country, my home, my FREEDOM is being attacked by terrorists? Especially when a plane just crashed hours away from me??!!

 3:00 PM- We finished off our last room to the sound of the news reporters' voices.  Walking to the State College branch of the staffing agency, Tonya and I laugh. How could we laugh, though? How could we possibly laugh while all those people are trapped?  I kept thinking about what it would feel like to be one of those people. To be trapped, hurt, and bleeding.  To not know what just happened.  To wonder if their family is ok.  To be praying so hard that help comes.

5:00 PM- Derrick is driving us home.  I'm silent most of the way, thinking still of the terrible events. Derrick and Tonya somehow can laugh and talk and joke around. I can't. I think of all my friends during this time.  Wondering how many of them know.  If they announced it in school.

6:05 PM- We finally arrive at my house.  Derrick comes in to talk to my brother. My mom asked strangely, “Have you been watching the news at all?” I answer, “Yes, all day,” then leave the room. I don't really feel like talking. Derrick stays a couple minutes to watch the news with us. We're looking at clips of another country that has been attacked by missiles, they think.  The news people talk about how they think it's the US retaliating. Derrick shakes his head, turns to me, and says, “Man, I'm going to get drafted.” I find that funny and I laugh for a second. Derrick then says he has to leave, I say bye, and then turn back to the TV. My dad is recording it. I figure I should write about it somewhere. I thought of my blog first. Unless the terrorists bomb the internet, my blog will always be here.

8:30 PM- President Bush comes on TV to talk.  His speech is wonderful and up lifting, while still mourning the tragedies.  My eyes brim with tears as he quotes Psalm 23:4.  “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

Bad bone day

I made the mistake of resting my knee on my desk chair today and now it feels like it needs to crack constantly.  Very annoying.  My "purse shoulder" also hurt some today, I got a bit worried.  I can't switch purses again!  I still miss my pink one. :(

Got a notice in the mail that I missed my second step in the TB test for work.  I was hoping the lady there let me slide since I almost passed out after the last one, luls.  I guess not.  I'll have to get up early on Monday and go over to the main office and pass out again.  Ugh.  I almost made myself pass out just thinking about it the other night.

I was thinking about doing the whole self-publishing through Kindle thing, but I'm a little skeptical.  Will I be able to publish my book "for real" later?  I don't even own a Kindle, so I'd have to buy one to have a copy of my book.  And cover art?  Can you just randomly take pictures offline?  Like, those no fee ones or something? 

I'm rambling.  I'm listening to my YouTube playlist right now.  Lonely Island and Bad Lipreading...so I'm not really paying attention to the words I'm typing.  Ha!

Trail of electronics

I just realized that every night I end my day with a trail of electronics.  I get home and get on the computer.  After the computer, I watch a little TV.  Then, we move upstairs where we turn on the little TV and I get on my laptop.  Maybe it's because I'm delirious with tiredness, but it's amusing.

Ugh, I have a stomach ache again.  I think I drank too much pop today.  Today was a good day, though.  I kept busy and it's FRIDAY!

It has been raining nonstop here.  They closed down some roads because the flooding.  My parents actually said the road in front of where I work was flooded.  I wonder how long that's going to last.  I keep expecting to walk into my basement and see a foot of water.  That'd be scary.  The little box is down there.  The poor kitties would be pooping all over the house.

Wow, I'm tired.

Find a fairy for me

If I should die in my peaceful sleep
I don't want you to cry or especially weep, but
Find a fairy for me.

Please don't make a fuss, and for goodness' sake
I don't want a funeral or even a wake
Eat a berry for me.

Remember the good, forget the bad
Remember all the fun times we had
Paint a fairy for me.

Wear a pink top, draw a white kitty
Tell a complete stranger you think she's pretty
Pick a berry for me.

Remember my likes, my loves, hopefully
You will do the above in my memory and
Find a fairy for me.

Psych funniness

Burton 'Gus' Guster: I think all that writing gave me a ganglion cyst.
Shawn Spencer: You can't get a cyst from filling out paperwork.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: If the pen is wrong, you can. There's definitely some carpal bossing in there. We should see if they have some extra thumb splints lying around.
Shawn Spencer: You know what we should do? We should enroll you in some man classes.

Tendonitis

My tendonitis has really been bothering me lately.  I've really lost range of motion with my right hand. My shoulders have been bothering me, too; both of them, not just my right.  What is going on?

I would be on WoW playing my new DK I made, but I want to give my hands a break.  I feel like I'm typing through sludge or really heavy gloves. 

Again, seeing pictures of me, I'm surprised at how big I am.  In my head, I see myself WAY differently.  I think that's partly why I can't lose weight: it hasn't sunk in that I'm technically "obese" yet.

OMG, I can't do this.  My hands are too slow.

Class of 2001

I'm on the right.  Kali's on the left.  The picture looks like crap because my camera battery died and I had to use my Blackberry's camera.  Anyway, we were the class of 2001 at the reunion on Friday; half of our class!  Becka was there, too.

You can't even tell she's pregnant, that snot.  I look more pregnant than she does.  It was nice to see some of my classmates again.  There were a lot of kids there I didn't know, though.

No work until Tues!  I'm super tired right now, but I kinda don't want to go to sleep.  For the past couple weeks, every time I wake up, my neck and shoulders ache.  I feel stiff everywhere and swollen.  I don't know if it's because of the weather or...maybe I need a new pillow?

Busy week

I've been on some daylight hours this week, so not much time to sit around and read blogs.  =(  Tomorrow is the big high school reunion...so I gotta hurry up and lose 50 pounds by tomorrow night. <-- as I type that, I'm making plans to go down to the vending area and get a Mountain Dew and a candy bar, HA.  No, I have been trying to lose weight.  I've been trying to drink diet pop and not eat so much.  I don't have a scale, so I don't know if I'm making any progress.

This is the first night here at work by myself.  I might play some Pandora on my phone to pass the time.  I'm really tired, though.  Maybe I should get that Mountain Dew...

More schooling

Well, I've given some thought to going to college for English. Penn State has a $50 application fee, though.

Bored at work

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

The time has come...

...for me to lose weight.  Chris and I were babysitting last night and he called me into the bathroom.

"Step on this," he said, pointing to a scale.
"Um, ok."  I step on it.  "Wow, it's reading, like, fourteen pounds heavier than it should."
"I'm sure." 

I'm getting dangerously close to the weight I never wanted to be at.  The weight where I would force myself to stop eating.  The time has come.  I need to start eating like I did when I was married to my first husband: never.  I wasn't allowed.  We ate when he wanted to eat and what he wanted to eat and if I wanted a Tasty Kake, he'd give me greif.  DARN YOU, CHRISTOPHER, FOR NOT BEING AN ASSHAT!

Just kidding.  I looked into Weight Watchers again; holy balls, is that expensive.  I glanced at the Nutrisystem website.  Even with $100 off it's $300 for a month's worth of food.  Sensa was something else that caught my eye, but their "free trial" doesn't sound so free; it's $80 for a 60 day supply after the "free" is done.

Suddenly, I can't stop thinking about the candy bars in my lunch box.  Well, I'm not going to waste them!

Maybe this will help me write more.  Do you think I can "write" the hunger away?  Me either.

My fairy name is Columbine Goblinglow
She brings riches and wealth.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen in the light of a full moon.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers and has gentle green wings like a butterfly.
Find out your fairy names with The Fairy Name Generator!

Name error of the day

I was searching blogs to find grammatical errors, but instead found a funny error at work.  Someone entered the patient "Debra" into the computer as "David."  I'm not sure how that happens; especially when they filled out that the patient was a female.  Oh well.

Grammatical Errors of the Day

"'The inspector noted that he was very impressed with the operations of the home and facility itself,' explains Cindy."

Does this bother anyone else?  How and/or why would the inspector note he was impressed?  Wouldn't he note the excellent operations, not his impression?  Anyway, it bothers me.

"The dishwasher will be ran every Tues. and Wed."

It should read, "will be run".  This is hanging up in the kitchen at work.

I am a tad clueless sometimes on verb conjugations (especially lay and lie), so I double checked the conjugation of run (on the interwebz, of course) and the sign is wrong.  Stay tuned for more!

Working again

At work again.  Bored.  Found out that they're going to pay us for the hours we missed yesterday so I won't have to make them up.  Mom will be happy; she wanted me to color her hair tomorrow.

I got in trouble today for wearing sneakers.  I was wondering when that would happen.  Now I have to convice Chris to let me buy new shoes to wear with my black pants.  If I can't wear my DCs, the only other shoes that go with black pants would be flats (my pants are too long for those) or high heels (those are just uncomfortable).  Apparently, someone complained about the sneakers, so I'll just use this as a good opportunity to go shopping...even if I don't have the money to do so.

First rejection letter!

I got my first rejection letter (well, email) the other day.  My book wasn't what they were looking for, it said.  I feel honored just to have someone email me back.  I mean, it looked like they actually read my query and typed the response themselves.  Pretty cool, I think.


We had a mini-earthquake today.  It felt like Chris was wrestling someone on the floor.  At first, I thought I was losing my mind.  I have vertigo, and thought it was just a bad episode.  But then I realized the curtains were moving, too, not just the floor, and I said to Chris, "What the hell is shaking the house?"  He was kinda clueless that anything was happening until I said something.  I honestly thought the foundation of our house was caving in.  That the landlord would be over at any minute (he lives diagonal from us) to get us out.  Or that a beam had fallen over in the basement.  I walked outside to see if maybe the neighbors who had just put in a pool were doing more yard work, possibly digging, near our house.  But there was nothing.  Chris wondered if it was an earthquake and I kinda thought that was out of the question.  Then a friend of ours who lives just down the way hopped onto Team Speak and asked if we felt our house shake.  He had felt it, too, and thought that a tree branch had hit his house.

Eventually, I saw on facebook that there was an earthquake in VA and it registered 3.5 or something like that up here.  I went to work an hour later and it was crazy in there.  Apparently, the owner decided to close down all the branches (there was supposed to be aftershocks or something) and they diverted their phones to us.  There was something up with the computer system, though, and referrals weren't printing out.  So we had phones ringing off the hook and piles of referrals that couldn't be processed.  Then, we got shut down at 4.  I worked one hour today....yeah.  I'm going to ask if I can work on Thurs. to make up the hours, but I doubt it.

Kayla's out there!

Guess what?  I've been busy sending queries!  I'm nervous!  Talking with Nora last night made me also think about sending my poetry to some places.  I wonder how many poems publishers want for a collection?  One in Writer's Market said they wanted at least 200!  I know I don't have that many.

Everyone at work is leaving me!  Diana transferred my second week here; Ashley starts her new position in September; now Joanne, the other secretary, accepted a new job.  Crystal has an interview sometime, though she's only a temp here right now.  Soon, I'll be the boss and I've only been here a month!  I jokingly told the ladies that I should demand a raise, but they said HNA doesn't respond to threats, lol.

Can't wait to go home and play WoW.  I did get my preist to 85, so now I'm working on gear.  Firelands dailies on most of my toons are keeping me busy.  Also, Chris is beta-testing the new Star Wars game and he lets me play every once in a while.  It's pretty awesome.

Finished editing...again!

So, I finally finished editing my book for probably the 100th time.  I took me two nights and a workday to read it, and I was pretty impressed with myself for that.  I thought it was on the short side, but I'm a pretty fast reader.  It's 69 thousand words (and some odd change) which, according to what I found on Google, makes it a "novella". 

I've been back and forth with the official name for it.  I've stuck with "Kayla's Second Chance" for a while.  I was thinking of making it "The Wish" and the sequels could be "The Wedding", "The Job", etc.  But there's already a book called "The Wish" (again, Google) and then I started thinking that "Kayla's Second Chance" would work with sequels like, "Kayla's (Second) Wedding," which I actually started writing tonight at work.  I'm so excited!

Working hard...or hardly working?

The title of this post is actually a line from my book, lulz.  Anyway, blogging at work.  This is the first weekend I've been scheduled.  I've been here two and half hours and I've already written on myself (on my Hello Kitty t-shirt, mind you!).  Got my first paycheck yesterday and it's already gone to bills, hooray.  I was hoping I could get a new tattoo.  =(

I might bring my laptop in tomorrow and work on my query letter or whatever it is that first publisher I'm working on wants.  Maybe edit some more.  Edit, edit, edit!

Need to get working! er...writing!

Ok....gotta get to work on getting published.  Yeah, I got a job and it pays alright; but I just worked on this big project and I think I messed up a bunch.  I need to have a back-up plan for when I screw up!

Got my Priest to 85 and got her some gear.  Now I'm going to bed!

Hit a wall

Well, I hit a wall in the whole "getting published" thing.  I'm working on a query and a "marketing" essay question answer.  I just can't concentrate and work on it.  Why?  Because I'm trying to get my Shadow Priest to level 85 in Wow, of course!

I was thinking; I don't think I realize how fat I am.  It's like it sneaked up on me.  We were talking to someone today who said she'd lost 50 pounds and was now just under 200 lbs.  That puts her a dozen or so pounds heavier than I, but if I look like she does, someone needs to put me out of my misery.  I don't think I look THAT fat...or do I?  Maybe I just don't realize how big I am.  In my mind, I'm still the 150 lbs I was when I worked at NAC (and thought I was fat then).  And it's not just the way I look that bothers me.  I really feel like I can't do anything.  Going up stairs is really hard.  At my cousin's house on the Fourth of July, I was trying to climb up onto the trampoline and my legs just wouldn't move.  I was willing my left leg to go up onto the springs, but it wouldn't.  I felt like a 'tard, mainly because my sister and her boyfriend had successfully made it into the trampoline with no problems.

Now with my tendonitis in my hand and shoulder, it makes me extra retarded trying to do stuff.  I noticed the other day when I was washing dishes that my hands get tired really easily and my right hand (the one with tendonitis) can't hold anything right.  I guess I am getting old, but I find it hard to believe that my chronic tendonitis, muscle weakness, eczema, weight gain, and all my hormonal problems aren't associated some how.

Oh, someday I'll have health insurance and find a doctor who will try to figure out what's wrong with me.  My health insurance from Home Nursing should kick in around September.  Thankfully, I think on August 1 our vision insurance will be active.  Chris really needs to get his eyes checked and get new glasses.  I wouldn't mind having some new glasses as well.

I always find cute frames, ok?  I try them on, they look cute.  But my eyes are so bad, that the lenses make my eyes look tiny and suddenly, I'm not so cute anymore.  Blah.

Trying to get published!

Ah, Blogger!  We meet again!  I haven't been on Blogger for years.  I started a blog called Fairy Tale back in 2001 and stopped posting probably around 2005 or 2006...which reminds me, I was writing a book with my old blogs.  I'll have to go work on that sometime.

Speaking of books, I'm currently in the process of getting my book Kayla's Second Chance published.  I need to fill out an author evaluation form and create a query.  I would do it tonight, right now, but Chris is sleeping and my laptop battery is dying.

We're sleeping on the living room floor tonight.  It's hot as balls outside and our central air doesn't reach upstairs.  I feel bad for my parents; they don't have any air conditioning.  I was over there tonight for supper and sweat was running down my back and face.  My knees were sweaty.  Knees shouldn't be sweaty!

I've been eating over at my parents' a lot recently.  Money's tight.  Another reason I'm working on getting published; the first is that it's what I've always wanted.  Monday I start my job at Home Nursing; I'm assuming I'll be in training for a while, though my supervisor hasn't mentioned how long it will last.  I'm pretty sure that I'll be working my "normal" hours of 11-7 on the day of the GCS reunion.  My dad was kinda mad when he found out about that.  Oh well.  How does he expect me to pay for my meal?  Ha ha!