Sad realization

I had the sad realization at work today when everyone was showing pictures of their kids or talking about their kids: I am the weird cat lady.  I don't have the "old" part yet of the weird, OLD cat lady, but I have the "cat" and the "weird" down.

My work desktop background is a picture of my kitty:

I'm the only one in my department that has tattoos, one being on my wrist that's clearly visible to everyone.  I don't bake, I don't sew, I don't cook massive dinners.  I can't share recipes or talk about gardening.  I play computer games and watching Tosh.0.  I read and watch TV shows about murders.  I stick out like a sore thumb.

Unless Kristin's there.  I like her.  She needs to work more; no more of this PRN stuff!

I'm pregnant...with fatness

I've decided: I'm pregnant with fatness and I think it's triplets.

I think I blogged before about how I don't realize how fat I am.  In my mind, I'm still the "kinda fat" girl I used to be...thirty pounds ago (that pic up there ^^^).  There have been some subtle hints, I suppose, to my fatness.  Such as,
1. The sudden need to unbutton my pants all the time
2. Suffocation by my own boobs when I tie my shoes
3. Louder footsteps
4. The inability to paint my toenails
5. The inability to reach my right arm across to my left side and vice versa

There are just some days where I feel huge and today is one of them.  I'm at work and have my pants undone.  (Thankfully, I'm the only one here).  Of course, it could be because all I've had to drink today is sugared pop and I just got done stuffing my face with Tastykakes and Sunchips.  Why do I eat like food is going out of style?

I actually think I have an answer for it.  My ex-husband never let me eat.  I was never given money for lunch or snacks when we went to work.  At family get-togethers, he never ate so I'd feel bad eating in front of him.  (Why didn't he eat?  Because he was a psycho).  I must've lost my mind and thought I was fat when I weighed in the 140-150 range and went on Weight Watchers.  He was very good at monitoring my points for me.

Now that I'm away from him, I think I eat because I was never allowed to when I was with him.  I think it's a psychologically rooted problem.  It would probably help things if I exercised, though.  I need to use my treadmill.  Even if just for the sake of Chris making fun of me all the time because I don't use it.  Maybe I'll walk for a half an hour or so tonight before I play WoW.

Ah, just remembered why I tend to not walk so much.  If I walk on that stupid thing (or anywhere, for that matter) for more than 30-45 minutes, my hips start to hurt.  Well, my hips, my knees, crap, even my shoulder will start to hurt.  Waa, waa, I'm such a baby.  That's what I tell myself in my head, but it doesn't stop the pain.

Tendonitis

My tendonitis has really been bothering me lately.  I've really lost range of motion with my right hand. My shoulders have been bothering me, too; both of them, not just my right.  What is going on?

I would be on WoW playing my new DK I made, but I want to give my hands a break.  I feel like I'm typing through sludge or really heavy gloves. 

Again, seeing pictures of me, I'm surprised at how big I am.  In my head, I see myself WAY differently.  I think that's partly why I can't lose weight: it hasn't sunk in that I'm technically "obese" yet.

OMG, I can't do this.  My hands are too slow.

Kayla's out there!

Guess what?  I've been busy sending queries!  I'm nervous!  Talking with Nora last night made me also think about sending my poetry to some places.  I wonder how many poems publishers want for a collection?  One in Writer's Market said they wanted at least 200!  I know I don't have that many.

Everyone at work is leaving me!  Diana transferred my second week here; Ashley starts her new position in September; now Joanne, the other secretary, accepted a new job.  Crystal has an interview sometime, though she's only a temp here right now.  Soon, I'll be the boss and I've only been here a month!  I jokingly told the ladies that I should demand a raise, but they said HNA doesn't respond to threats, lol.

Can't wait to go home and play WoW.  I did get my preist to 85, so now I'm working on gear.  Firelands dailies on most of my toons are keeping me busy.  Also, Chris is beta-testing the new Star Wars game and he lets me play every once in a while.  It's pretty awesome.

Need to get working! er...writing!

Ok....gotta get to work on getting published.  Yeah, I got a job and it pays alright; but I just worked on this big project and I think I messed up a bunch.  I need to have a back-up plan for when I screw up!

Got my Priest to 85 and got her some gear.  Now I'm going to bed!

Hit a wall

Well, I hit a wall in the whole "getting published" thing.  I'm working on a query and a "marketing" essay question answer.  I just can't concentrate and work on it.  Why?  Because I'm trying to get my Shadow Priest to level 85 in Wow, of course!

I was thinking; I don't think I realize how fat I am.  It's like it sneaked up on me.  We were talking to someone today who said she'd lost 50 pounds and was now just under 200 lbs.  That puts her a dozen or so pounds heavier than I, but if I look like she does, someone needs to put me out of my misery.  I don't think I look THAT fat...or do I?  Maybe I just don't realize how big I am.  In my mind, I'm still the 150 lbs I was when I worked at NAC (and thought I was fat then).  And it's not just the way I look that bothers me.  I really feel like I can't do anything.  Going up stairs is really hard.  At my cousin's house on the Fourth of July, I was trying to climb up onto the trampoline and my legs just wouldn't move.  I was willing my left leg to go up onto the springs, but it wouldn't.  I felt like a 'tard, mainly because my sister and her boyfriend had successfully made it into the trampoline with no problems.

Now with my tendonitis in my hand and shoulder, it makes me extra retarded trying to do stuff.  I noticed the other day when I was washing dishes that my hands get tired really easily and my right hand (the one with tendonitis) can't hold anything right.  I guess I am getting old, but I find it hard to believe that my chronic tendonitis, muscle weakness, eczema, weight gain, and all my hormonal problems aren't associated some how.

Oh, someday I'll have health insurance and find a doctor who will try to figure out what's wrong with me.  My health insurance from Home Nursing should kick in around September.  Thankfully, I think on August 1 our vision insurance will be active.  Chris really needs to get his eyes checked and get new glasses.  I wouldn't mind having some new glasses as well.

I always find cute frames, ok?  I try them on, they look cute.  But my eyes are so bad, that the lenses make my eyes look tiny and suddenly, I'm not so cute anymore.  Blah.