Day Two-ish

It's Day Two for me counting my calories, but it's Day Three for exercising and whatnot.  Going to do treadmill and yoga again tonight.  How would I describe my mood this week in a few words?

I. Am. Starving.

MyFitnessPal.com (and the app for my Blackberry) had me at only 1200 calories/day.  That is not a lot, people.  I did some research and found some other websites and I think I'm going to aim for 1500 until I lose some weight.  Weighing less should bring my BMR down, which in turn, lowers my daily calorie limit.




Or I could just hang myself.

I gave in and made an appointment with a dermatologist; they can't get me in until March 23rd, though.  I did try another facility, and their wait is even longer.  One doc's wait is up to Sept!  Anyway, my fingers are frickin' killing me.  Every time I touch paper at work, it feels like I'm touching acid.  My face rash is coming back as well.  I'm very afraid to let it go, though.  If it does turn out to be Lupus, that rash can scar your skin.  (That's what messed up Seal's face.)  I don't want that to happen.

Chest pains

Tomorrow the weight loss challenge begins.  We get weighed in.  Can't wait to see what I'm up to.  =|  I'm definitely going to try to walk on the treadmill.  Don't know how I'm going to do any other kind of exercise; my chest has been hurting for the past couple weeks.  Just bending over to get clothes out of the dryer today was alarmingly painful.  Seems to be twisting movements.  I feel like my breastbone might crack or something.  It's still bothering me now, even though I took three ibuprofen.

I did some research...on myself.  I copied and pasted my old blog into a MS Word file and edited it to maybe one day be a book.  Well, I looked up when my face started bothering me the first time.  It was Jan. '05.  Seven years ago.  I've been dealing with this cycle of eczema/steroid cream for seven years.

Maybe I should go to a holistic healing person.  Get a detox foot bath and have my palms read.  I need to do something.  Every time I go to the doctor they think nothing's wrong with me.

Dear laptop,

I'm sorry I haven't used you in a while.  SWTOR has taken up a lot of my time.  Remind me to inform Chris and his friends that our Sith toons will have to be on the back burner; Monday starts the weight loss challenge at work and I need to get on the treadmill....forever...like literally.

-Mary

Good God, hopefully I'm this swollen on Monday for the weigh in.  Then I'll spend all week peeing out all this water weight, holy crap.  My hands are normally swollen in the morning, but recently my hands, arms, feet, and legs have been swollen almost all day.  My fingertips are super sore today, too.  Not sure why.  It's Saturday; I did absolutely nothing today.  I mean, the most "irritating" thing I touched was water.  But, then again, water is a  universal irritant.  I learned that in beauty school.

Something else I learned in beauty school?  I'll fail if I don't wear make up.  Yeah.  After my teacher gave me a "talking-to" about how my not wearing makeup was going to bring my beauty school average down, you'd think I wouldn't have gotten out of that habit.  Then again, it was almost ten years ago.  

Well, I'm done rambling.  I'm going to go bathe my hands in scent-free, special eczema lotion.

Lent

I've decided.  For Lent, I'm giving up being tolerant.  I'm giving up trying to be an acceptable person in society. For too long I've tried to not make goofy faces when someone says something ridiculous.  I've gone too long without picking on someone for liking U2 or Creed *shivers*.  I've tried to cut back on saying, "Holy balls!" and all my other fun sayings because I don't want to offend anyone.  Well, you know what that makes me?  Vanilla.  Boring.  So, to start off my Lent...

Lent is dumb.  I've been using the excuse that I don't like Catholics because I dated one, but that's all it is: a good excuse.  It's really because that whole religious "system" is absolutely ridiculous.  The Pope?  The Pope is the only one who can talk to God?  Read the Bible...for yourselves.  Praying to Mary?  Really?  And all the other Saints?  Do you know what that is?  Idol worship.  Having crucifixes everywhere?  Idol worship.  Preists and Nuns?  Do they realize that God wants people to procreate and be happy?  Obviously they get the procreating part; they're against any kind of birth control.  My ex practically choked on his tongue when I said my gyno might put me on the Pill.  And LENT?!  Really?  For a few weeks (or however long it is, I have no idea) let's eat fish on Friday.  REALLY?  Lent is supposed to be giving up something you can't live without: smoking, chocolate, alcohol, Mountain Dew.  Not eating f'ing McDonald's fish sandwiches for a month.  Everything's about tradition.  Now, I'm not against traditions, but to make someone feel like they're going to hell for eating a turkey sandwich on a Friday?  Yeah, I'm against that.  I hate the fact when I say I'm a Christian, I'm automatically lumped in with Catholics because that's what they call themselves.  From now on, I'm saying, "I'm saved."  And when people ask what that means, I'll tell them, "It means I read the Bible for myself and believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins...and I can talk to him any time I want."

Pissy mood

Ugh, I have been in such a pissy mood this past week and a half.  I couldn't figure out why.  I just wanted to sleep; been stress eating and craving stuff- I drove to Sheetz in the middle of the night because I NEEDED Mountain Dew and something chocolate.  (I thought the next day I would get my period or something, but no.)  It took me a couple days, but I did eventually figure it out: we just learned that someone on Chris's side of the family is pregnant...again...to a guy who has three kids to a different chick, who was told she couldn't have kids.  I should've realized it sooner.  Almost every time I find out someone's pregnant (who I don't think deserves it, if that makes any sense at all) I get in a horrible mood.  Why?  Because, frankly, it's not fair.  And I'm gonna end on that note before I go off on some kind of rampage.

A coworker brought in a list of foods that are beneficial, neutral, or awful for blood types.  I mentioned that I don't know my blood type and coworkers suggested I call and ask my doctor's office.  Well, the lady who answered the phone laughed at me when I asked, and she said something about blood work.  I told her I've had blood work done by them before, and she went to ask a nurse.  When she came back, she told me "no"; they have to actually order a blood typing test to find it out.  Everyone at the office said to go donate blood; they type your blood there.  I said, "Do you want me to pass out and/or throw up in front of a complete stranger?"  There are kits you can buy online, but that costs money, which I don't have.

I've been applying for part time jobs around, but haven't heard anything back from anyone yet.  Ulta probably saw my facebook page and didn't want my face behind their counters; there went THAT application.

The Nearsighted Owl: Giveaway: Vintage from Yessiree Petunia

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