Memories

Nothing like working on a weekend to get my mind wandering.  For some reason, I started remembering stuff from high school and right after graduation.

In HS, Katie's on-again-off-again boyfriend Timmy had a pager.  At the time, it was cool to have a pager, but also, only drug dealers had them.  Anyway, I used to page him with the numbers 1134, which, if you hold the pager right, says "hell."  Katie hated it.  But, what didn't she hate?

Then I thought about the time I was on third shift at NAC and Chris McConnell, who was in my brother's class, was our temp floor guy.  We got to talking (he also used to date Katie) and decided to hang out.  Katie caught wind and invited herself along.  I warned her that my car's AC wasn't working and it was a heat wave (and the car had leather seats.)  She ignored the warning and we picked her up.  She complained the whole time about how hot it was.  We stopped at McDonald's and she had someone come pick her up because she was too hot.  Chris and I ended up going to another classmate's house to hang out with more school kids.  Katie again caught word of it and wanted to hang out, too, but didn't want to use her gas to drive there herself (this was 2004, 2005...gas was what then?  Like, nothing?) so she spent hours calling around asking for a ride.  Chris and I ended up leaving because we had to go to work, and as we're driving down the lane, doesn't Katie come driving up next to us.  And, she was mad that we were leaving and we didn't tell her we were going to Amy's and blah blah blah.  All the while, my husband at the time calls and finds out I'm driving around with Chris and goes bonkers.  I tried telling him that I've known Chris forever and he was in my brother's grade and, therefore, is like a brother to me, but the ex-asshole is an ex for a number of reasons.

Friends

I don't know why I keep thinking my friends from high school will always be there for me, when time and time again they've proven to be absolute a-holes. Not all of them, of course. It seems the ones closest to me are now the farthest from me. Why do I let that bother me? I'm really trying to let it go, but what kind of person am I that my only friends are people I know through my husband or the girls I met in the year and half I've worked at Home Nursing Agency?

The one I call my "best friend" just had a birthday party for her one-year-old. With her moving to and from Tukey for the past few years, we haven't had much time to hang out. She missed my wedding because she was in Turkey, but I was able to go to hers. The only reason we started hanging out more recently was her crazy sister sent me horrible messages on Facebook that made me cry for a few hours straight. I took some personal days so I wouldn't lose them at the end of the year and texted her, but never heard back. Last night, I signed on to Facebook (where I've only added a few selective people) and saw pictures from her kid's birthday party. Granted, I was most likely working (as that's what I'm doing now), but I was a little upset that I wasn't invited or even told about it.

The clincher was the pictures of her, her pregnant crazy sister, my ex-best friend (who has a daughter), and another girl we went to school with (who is pregnant to guy #3 and has two kids to two other guys) and everyone's commenting, "Look at the beautiful mothers gathered!" Is that why I wasn't invited? I'm not a mom? I go to Damian's and Chassity's parties when they have them at Chuckie Cheese's. So what I don't have kids to play with stuff there.

Chris pointed out that she may not have invited me because of my ex-bff being there, but still, she could've sent me a text or something. Originally last night, I had my Blogger app open on my phone and was desperately hacking out this post with my thumbs, but Chris came up and asked what I was doing and I lost it. I cried for a bit, he cheered me up, and I deleted what I had written. But it's still bothering me today and I wanted to write about it.

The doctor put me on metformin (which I kinda figured he would) after I had made an appointment because it felt like there was a bowling ball sitting on my bladder. I was afraid I was getting gigantic cysts that would explode or something. He said he couldn't feel any cysts (but my insides cried all day after that) and prescribed metformin. He also switched my Clomid to a lower dose for when I'm on the met. I had just finished my 100 mg Clomid packet before I saw him, so in about a week, I'll be taking the 50 mg again. Chris thinks I should try to lose weight and that has crossed my mind as well. Even though, my "girl part" troubles started when I was 16 and weighed 125, it wouldn't hurt to try to slim down a bit. I was looking at some DVDs on Amazon, Yoga for Fertility and such. I don't know; I get in the mood to do stuff to improve myself, but then I sit back and think, "Why?" Why would I ever think it would help? Why do I start things and never finish? Why do I have no will power?

Tornado

I had a wonderful dream last night.  Why was it wonderful?  I'm not sure.  Me and a group of friends were at the beach and a hurricane was coming.  (Well, because it was the shore, it should've been a hurricane,) but in my dream I saw a twister.  We were standing really close to it and rain was pouring down, but people were still walking around and going about their business.  Just as the twister was going to hit us, it dissipated.  We started walking down the main street to a restaurant and we spotted another one.  Hurriedly, we rushed into the nearest eatery (which was full) and were seated.  I remember thinking, "The ocean is right at our back, we are in a lot of danger," but I wasn't scared.  My ex-best friend was there and she ordered a strawberry margarita.  I ordered one too (not to be out done) and the two other girls with us got ginger ale.  The owner of the restaurant waited on us and he asked for our I.D.  He made a comment that he was glad we were over 21 and not joking about the drinks because he'd have to go back to the kitchen and change the order and it gave them problems with their taxes (?).  But our two friends left before the drinks came because they wanted to get somewhere safer.  I looked around and saw everyone else eating normally in the restaurant and said, "We're safe here.  This is the safest place.  Everyone else is here because it's safe."  They left anyway and I was stuck wondering what I was going to talk to my ex-bff about.

I seem to have a lot of dreams about her, actually.  Where she'll call me up out of the blue and want to hang out.  That's happened before, when we had our smaller fights.  This dream was probably brought on by my seeing her facebook posts about being hungover and such...and she has a kid now.

I could punch someone.  There's just so many things not right with the world.  Everyone and their sister can get pregnant but me.