I don't know why I keep thinking my friends from high school will always be there for me, when time and time again they've proven to be absolute a-holes. Not all of them, of course. It seems the ones closest to me are now the farthest from me. Why do I let that bother me? I'm really trying to let it go, but what kind of person am I that my only friends are people I know through my husband or the girls I met in the year and half I've worked at Home Nursing Agency?
The one I call my "best friend" just had a birthday party for her one-year-old. With her moving to and from Tukey for the past few years, we haven't had much time to hang out. She missed my wedding because she was in Turkey, but I was able to go to hers. The only reason we started hanging out more recently was her crazy sister sent me horrible messages on Facebook that made me cry for a few hours straight. I took some personal days so I wouldn't lose them at the end of the year and texted her, but never heard back. Last night, I signed on to Facebook (where I've only added a few selective people) and saw pictures from her kid's birthday party. Granted, I was most likely working (as that's what I'm doing now), but I was a little upset that I wasn't invited or even told about it.
The clincher was the pictures of her, her pregnant crazy sister, my ex-best friend (who has a daughter), and another girl we went to school with (who is pregnant to guy #3 and has two kids to two other guys) and everyone's commenting, "Look at the beautiful mothers gathered!" Is that why I wasn't invited? I'm not a mom? I go to Damian's and Chassity's parties when they have them at Chuckie Cheese's. So what I don't have kids to play with stuff there.
Chris pointed out that she may not have invited me because of my ex-bff being there, but still, she could've sent me a text or something. Originally last night, I had my Blogger app open on my phone and was desperately hacking out this post with my thumbs, but Chris came up and asked what I was doing and I lost it. I cried for a bit, he cheered me up, and I deleted what I had written. But it's still bothering me today and I wanted to write about it.
The doctor put me on metformin (which I kinda figured he would) after I had made an appointment because it felt like there was a bowling ball sitting on my bladder. I was afraid I was getting gigantic cysts that would explode or something. He said he couldn't feel any cysts (but my insides cried all day after that) and prescribed metformin. He also switched my Clomid to a lower dose for when I'm on the met. I had just finished my 100 mg Clomid packet before I saw him, so in about a week, I'll be taking the 50 mg again. Chris thinks I should try to lose weight and that has crossed my mind as well. Even though, my "girl part" troubles started when I was 16 and weighed 125, it wouldn't hurt to try to slim down a bit. I was looking at some DVDs on Amazon, Yoga for Fertility and such. I don't know; I get in the mood to do stuff to improve myself, but then I sit back and think, "Why?" Why would I ever think it would help? Why do I start things and never finish? Why do I have no will power?
Showing posts with label exercising. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exercising. Show all posts
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Doctor visit fun
I had to make an appointment with my doc to get refills. (Oh, apparently Prozac is an SSRI and I had no idea. I feel like a total moron.) Anyway, while I was there I mentioned all my joint pain. Right hand, right shoulder, left elbow. These really random places I'm getting "tendonitis". She asked who told me I had tendonitis; I said the doctor I normally see (she was a PA). She referred me to one of the orthopods that make visits to that office because he would be more knowledgeable. I was happy about that...until the appointment.
He was a nice guy, down to earth, funny...but he totally misunderstood the whole reason I was there. I was hoping to get referred for physical therapy to get exercises I could do that won't hurt me somehow. Instead, he showed me a few stretches and told me to do push ups off a wall. I mentioned my fibrous dysplasia (along with my fear of bone pain and fractures) and asked, "Do you know what that is?" because most people don't; the ER docs took four hours to figure it out. He said, "Yeah, exercise will help your flare ups." I didn't realize at that time (because I have a tendency to turn into a complete idiot when I'm at the doctor's) but he totally thought I said fibromyalgia, which is completely different.
I wish I could call the office up and be like, "Look, give Dr. What's-his-name a message: I said fibrous dysplasia not fibromyalgia, so give me the right treatment." And then I think, why should I have to quality check my doctor's decisions? Why should I have to keep calling around trying to find someone who knows what's wrong with me? It's very frustrating.
I'm on my seventh month of Clomid. Thinking about taking a break for a bit. Got some work things going on and it would be nice not to have to pluck my chin every other day. I also think I'm getting a bunch of cysts on my ovaries. I have pinching pains every once in a while in my abdomen and I feel constantly full down there...and no, it's not just my fat.
I don't know what to do exercise wise. Now my knees have been bothering me. They've always popped; all my life I could crack my knees. But now they feel unstable, there's grinding and other noises when I go down stairs. I've never been able to rest on my knees, it hurts too much. I've always thought my knee cap was too small. It's like the size of a quarter. I dunno. I'm scared to try to jog. Guess I could just go back to the treadmill, but everyone says that's bad for your knees, too. I think I'm just destined to be fat and out of shape forever. And it's a vicious cycle, because if I would lose weight, my knees would probably feel better. Oh well.
He was a nice guy, down to earth, funny...but he totally misunderstood the whole reason I was there. I was hoping to get referred for physical therapy to get exercises I could do that won't hurt me somehow. Instead, he showed me a few stretches and told me to do push ups off a wall. I mentioned my fibrous dysplasia (along with my fear of bone pain and fractures) and asked, "Do you know what that is?" because most people don't; the ER docs took four hours to figure it out. He said, "Yeah, exercise will help your flare ups." I didn't realize at that time (because I have a tendency to turn into a complete idiot when I'm at the doctor's) but he totally thought I said fibromyalgia, which is completely different.
I wish I could call the office up and be like, "Look, give Dr. What's-his-name a message: I said fibrous dysplasia not fibromyalgia, so give me the right treatment." And then I think, why should I have to quality check my doctor's decisions? Why should I have to keep calling around trying to find someone who knows what's wrong with me? It's very frustrating.
I'm on my seventh month of Clomid. Thinking about taking a break for a bit. Got some work things going on and it would be nice not to have to pluck my chin every other day. I also think I'm getting a bunch of cysts on my ovaries. I have pinching pains every once in a while in my abdomen and I feel constantly full down there...and no, it's not just my fat.
I don't know what to do exercise wise. Now my knees have been bothering me. They've always popped; all my life I could crack my knees. But now they feel unstable, there's grinding and other noises when I go down stairs. I've never been able to rest on my knees, it hurts too much. I've always thought my knee cap was too small. It's like the size of a quarter. I dunno. I'm scared to try to jog. Guess I could just go back to the treadmill, but everyone says that's bad for your knees, too. I think I'm just destined to be fat and out of shape forever. And it's a vicious cycle, because if I would lose weight, my knees would probably feel better. Oh well.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Pilates from Hell
But it is my goal to finish this work out! (That is correct! I have yet to finish it!)
Monday, April 2, 2012
5 minutes
5 minutes until we log the phones out.
Today is a bad bone day. My hand, chest, hip, and back are bothering me. BALLS, I just realized I forgot to take my Vitex. *sigh* I also cannot think straight today. It's definitely time for me to go home.
Chris started work again today. I probably won't see him tonight; I have to take Damian to preschool tomorrow through Thursday. I thought about walking to work today, but Chris dropped me off. I think it's going to rain tomorrow...at least, that's what my bones feel like it's going to do.
I was a walking feind this weekend...probably part of the reason I hurt. I bought some biotin and have been taking that along with a multi-vitamin w/ iron, Vitex, and calcium +D3 and I actually think it's helping me walk longer on the treadmill and not get so tired.
One minute...gotta run!
Today is a bad bone day. My hand, chest, hip, and back are bothering me. BALLS, I just realized I forgot to take my Vitex. *sigh* I also cannot think straight today. It's definitely time for me to go home.
Chris started work again today. I probably won't see him tonight; I have to take Damian to preschool tomorrow through Thursday. I thought about walking to work today, but Chris dropped me off. I think it's going to rain tomorrow...at least, that's what my bones feel like it's going to do.
I was a walking feind this weekend...probably part of the reason I hurt. I bought some biotin and have been taking that along with a multi-vitamin w/ iron, Vitex, and calcium +D3 and I actually think it's helping me walk longer on the treadmill and not get so tired.
One minute...gotta run!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Stuck
Since I've "lost" the initial 15 pounds of this weight-loss challenge, I haven't lost any more. I tried to incorporate jogging into my treadmill workouts, but my lower legs get tired too easily (I later came to realize these are called "shin splints"? and happen because my feet are flat). I did belly dancing last night and remembered why I tried to give the DVD away the first time.
I've been reading through the message boards on MyFitnessPal.com and taking a look at what other girls with PCOS (which is still undetermined if I have it or not) are doing about getting stuck in their weight loss. Some suggest cinnamon, others chromium. A few suggested Vitex; it's a supplement that stimulates progestin...progesterone? I can never remember what that hormone is. I had my parents pick me up a bottle and this is my second day taking it.
I was going to do yoga or something tonight, but as the day goes on, my leg bones hurt more and more. It came on suddenly. I just popped three ibuprofen; I really do not want to move my legs at all. I'm also cramping, but I can't tell if it's the Vitex working or if I'm just going to have to poop later. =\
A theory one girl on the message boards had for my leg tireness and shin splints was my shoes. I do need new shoes, but I know I'll never have the money to buy them. I don't even have money to pay bills most of the time.
Went to a new gyno the other day and they did some blood tests. I'm hoping they get back to me pretty soon with some kind of answers. Whether it's just putting me back on Metformin or what, I need to get a move on. We were looking up this fertility clinic near us today at work and 35 is the magic number. They pretty much want you to use donor eggs after 35. So I have 6 years to try and pop out however many kids Chris and I want.
I've been reading through the message boards on MyFitnessPal.com and taking a look at what other girls with PCOS (which is still undetermined if I have it or not) are doing about getting stuck in their weight loss. Some suggest cinnamon, others chromium. A few suggested Vitex; it's a supplement that stimulates progestin...progesterone? I can never remember what that hormone is. I had my parents pick me up a bottle and this is my second day taking it.
I was going to do yoga or something tonight, but as the day goes on, my leg bones hurt more and more. It came on suddenly. I just popped three ibuprofen; I really do not want to move my legs at all. I'm also cramping, but I can't tell if it's the Vitex working or if I'm just going to have to poop later. =\
A theory one girl on the message boards had for my leg tireness and shin splints was my shoes. I do need new shoes, but I know I'll never have the money to buy them. I don't even have money to pay bills most of the time.
Went to a new gyno the other day and they did some blood tests. I'm hoping they get back to me pretty soon with some kind of answers. Whether it's just putting me back on Metformin or what, I need to get a move on. We were looking up this fertility clinic near us today at work and 35 is the magic number. They pretty much want you to use donor eggs after 35. So I have 6 years to try and pop out however many kids Chris and I want.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Down "15 pounds"...we'll see
Down 15 pounds since the weigh in. I think I'm losing fat on my ribs...or someplace else stupid like that. No, my measurments (hip and waist) went down an inch. I was going to rest today, but it is sooooo freakin' nice out. I'm going to walk with Mom, Chassity, and Damian.
Still working on my "Adrienne" story, getting it ready to send to publishers. I need to get it done and start on my newest one. Between that, painting my nails, exercise, and playing Star Wars I am running out of hours in the day.
I painted my nails last night while I watched Grimm on the DVR. Shortly thereafter, I went upstairs to wash my face. After I dried my face and hands, I noticed my right thumb and pointer finger nails were messed up. I could not for the life of me figure out waht happened. Then I remembered I had a really annoying itch on my side and I must've scratched the hell out of it...and my nail polish. So I had to go back downstairs and take it all off. It was easier to do that than to repaint the two nails. I really wanted to get into bed. I need new nail supplies anyway. Low on cotton balls, remover, base coat, and top coat. They'll have to wait for another check or two, though.
My derm appointment is the 23rd. Thankfully, my fingers are still weird. I have a gyno appointment on Thursday =O. Man, I hate those. Hopefully this one will be able to figure out what's wrong with me. If I really have PCOS or not...and not just throw me on the Pill.
Still working on my "Adrienne" story, getting it ready to send to publishers. I need to get it done and start on my newest one. Between that, painting my nails, exercise, and playing Star Wars I am running out of hours in the day.
I painted my nails last night while I watched Grimm on the DVR. Shortly thereafter, I went upstairs to wash my face. After I dried my face and hands, I noticed my right thumb and pointer finger nails were messed up. I could not for the life of me figure out waht happened. Then I remembered I had a really annoying itch on my side and I must've scratched the hell out of it...and my nail polish. So I had to go back downstairs and take it all off. It was easier to do that than to repaint the two nails. I really wanted to get into bed. I need new nail supplies anyway. Low on cotton balls, remover, base coat, and top coat. They'll have to wait for another check or two, though.
My derm appointment is the 23rd. Thankfully, my fingers are still weird. I have a gyno appointment on Thursday =O. Man, I hate those. Hopefully this one will be able to figure out what's wrong with me. If I really have PCOS or not...and not just throw me on the Pill.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
I'm pregnant...with fatness
I've decided: I'm pregnant with fatness and I think it's triplets.
I think I blogged before about how I don't realize how fat I am. In my mind, I'm still the "kinda fat" girl I used to be...thirty pounds ago (that pic up there ^^^). There have been some subtle hints, I suppose, to my fatness. Such as,
1. The sudden need to unbutton my pants all the time
2. Suffocation by my own boobs when I tie my shoes
3. Louder footsteps
4. The inability to paint my toenails
5. The inability to reach my right arm across to my left side and vice versa
There are just some days where I feel huge and today is one of them. I'm at work and have my pants undone. (Thankfully, I'm the only one here). Of course, it could be because all I've had to drink today is sugared pop and I just got done stuffing my face with Tastykakes and Sunchips. Why do I eat like food is going out of style?
I actually think I have an answer for it. My ex-husband never let me eat. I was never given money for lunch or snacks when we went to work. At family get-togethers, he never ate so I'd feel bad eating in front of him. (Why didn't he eat? Because he was a psycho). I must've lost my mind and thought I was fat when I weighed in the 140-150 range and went on Weight Watchers. He was very good at monitoring my points for me.
Now that I'm away from him, I think I eat because I was never allowed to when I was with him. I think it's a psychologically rooted problem. It would probably help things if I exercised, though. I need to use my treadmill. Even if just for the sake of Chris making fun of me all the time because I don't use it. Maybe I'll walk for a half an hour or so tonight before I play WoW.
Ah, just remembered why I tend to not walk so much. If I walk on that stupid thing (or anywhere, for that matter) for more than 30-45 minutes, my hips start to hurt. Well, my hips, my knees, crap, even my shoulder will start to hurt. Waa, waa, I'm such a baby. That's what I tell myself in my head, but it doesn't stop the pain.
I think I blogged before about how I don't realize how fat I am. In my mind, I'm still the "kinda fat" girl I used to be...thirty pounds ago (that pic up there ^^^). There have been some subtle hints, I suppose, to my fatness. Such as,
1. The sudden need to unbutton my pants all the time
2. Suffocation by my own boobs when I tie my shoes
3. Louder footsteps
4. The inability to paint my toenails
5. The inability to reach my right arm across to my left side and vice versa
There are just some days where I feel huge and today is one of them. I'm at work and have my pants undone. (Thankfully, I'm the only one here). Of course, it could be because all I've had to drink today is sugared pop and I just got done stuffing my face with Tastykakes and Sunchips. Why do I eat like food is going out of style?
I actually think I have an answer for it. My ex-husband never let me eat. I was never given money for lunch or snacks when we went to work. At family get-togethers, he never ate so I'd feel bad eating in front of him. (Why didn't he eat? Because he was a psycho). I must've lost my mind and thought I was fat when I weighed in the 140-150 range and went on Weight Watchers. He was very good at monitoring my points for me.
Now that I'm away from him, I think I eat because I was never allowed to when I was with him. I think it's a psychologically rooted problem. It would probably help things if I exercised, though. I need to use my treadmill. Even if just for the sake of Chris making fun of me all the time because I don't use it. Maybe I'll walk for a half an hour or so tonight before I play WoW.
Ah, just remembered why I tend to not walk so much. If I walk on that stupid thing (or anywhere, for that matter) for more than 30-45 minutes, my hips start to hurt. Well, my hips, my knees, crap, even my shoulder will start to hurt. Waa, waa, I'm such a baby. That's what I tell myself in my head, but it doesn't stop the pain.
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