Memories

Nothing like working on a weekend to get my mind wandering.  For some reason, I started remembering stuff from high school and right after graduation.

In HS, Katie's on-again-off-again boyfriend Timmy had a pager.  At the time, it was cool to have a pager, but also, only drug dealers had them.  Anyway, I used to page him with the numbers 1134, which, if you hold the pager right, says "hell."  Katie hated it.  But, what didn't she hate?

Then I thought about the time I was on third shift at NAC and Chris McConnell, who was in my brother's class, was our temp floor guy.  We got to talking (he also used to date Katie) and decided to hang out.  Katie caught wind and invited herself along.  I warned her that my car's AC wasn't working and it was a heat wave (and the car had leather seats.)  She ignored the warning and we picked her up.  She complained the whole time about how hot it was.  We stopped at McDonald's and she had someone come pick her up because she was too hot.  Chris and I ended up going to another classmate's house to hang out with more school kids.  Katie again caught word of it and wanted to hang out, too, but didn't want to use her gas to drive there herself (this was 2004, 2005...gas was what then?  Like, nothing?) so she spent hours calling around asking for a ride.  Chris and I ended up leaving because we had to go to work, and as we're driving down the lane, doesn't Katie come driving up next to us.  And, she was mad that we were leaving and we didn't tell her we were going to Amy's and blah blah blah.  All the while, my husband at the time calls and finds out I'm driving around with Chris and goes bonkers.  I tried telling him that I've known Chris forever and he was in my brother's grade and, therefore, is like a brother to me, but the ex-asshole is an ex for a number of reasons.

New tattoo!

Chris put money aside (or at least that's what he thinks...we spent a little more than we should've) for my birthday so I could get a tattoo. The new girl at work knew of this reasonably priced guy in Indiana so I made an appointment with him and me and Jenn drove the hour or so trip. It was hard trying to decide what to get but then it hit me: I promised myself my next tattoo would be a tribute to my favorite children's book A Child's Garden of Verses by (Google Affiliate Ad)illustrated by Susan Bonners. It's a tree from the Land of Nod illustration and two lines from the poem.

I have a hot ass

Literally. I'm sitting on my heating pad because my tail bone aches like the dickens. I'm not sure if I sat on it wrong when I was vegging yesterday watching Doctor Who and doing laundry or if it's just my stupid fibrous dysplasia. When I was 15 or 16, for a whole year my tail bone ached. I specifically remember in church, we had Sunday school in the basement and we were basically sitting on those white plastic lawn chairs. After sitting for so long, then standing up, I almost cried my tail bone hurt so badly. I never was able to figure out why it hurt back then, until I was diagnosed.

The forehead looks pretty much the same. Still has the line down the middle and dots where each stitch was. I bought a new silicone sheet since I lost half of mine, and at my latest derm appointment, the nurse scheduled me for some sort of laser treatment to get rid of the redness. I was too tired at the time to think, but I need to call them and ask if my insurance will cover that or not.

For my birthday, Chris said he would give me $200 for a tattoo. I told the girls at work that we should all go get tattoos and we got in touch with an artist about an hour away. He did a tat for the new girl and it looks really good and it was pretty cheap. My one coworker faxed him all of our tattoo ideas to get them priced, but I need to text her and ask if he got back to her. He initially said he was booked up until July, but, come on, it's my birthday!

Slowly fading

Do you see what I meant in my last post about the line? There's a space in the middle that smooths over, but I'm starting to think that's an eczema patch, as it's super itchy and rough feeling. Thought just occurred to me: hopefully it's not the skin cancer grown back already. If it is eczema, I think it's from the new Palmer's scar oil stuff I've been using these past couple days. When I get home, I'm going to wash my face and put the silicone patches on and maybe do Vaseline in the morning. (Had to work this weekend. Got my homework done today because it was so slow.)

The girl I'm working with/training this weekend smokes and I walked down the hall after she came back from a smoke break. The smell reminded me of my grandma's old apartment building when I was younger. We went there every summer and spent the night. Somehow, I'd always end up in the room with the creepy dolls. I remember hearing crickets outside the window as I tried to fall asleep in this strange place. I don't think I ever walked in my sleep there, though. I have a habit of sleep walking/talking when I'm sleeping in a new environment, unless it's a hotel. I love hotels, don't ask me why. Not too sure myself why I love them.

Want. To. Scratch. Forehead.

Silicone patches

Taken a couple days ago:


Last night, I stopped putting Vaseline on my wound and started with the Dr. Blaine's Scar Repair silicone patch (which I had to cut to make it fit on my ginormous forehead). When I took it off this morning, you could see the line down my forehead, like someone took a light pencil and drew it down the middle of the wound. It still looks like that and I would take a picture, but I'm at work and taking selfies at work (with other people around) is weird. I think I'm able to make more faces, seeing as every time I make one my forehead hurts. I can definitely feel the skin pulling. On the 14th, I'll start massaging it to make sure the stitches inside it broke up.

Oh yes! I finally got my refund, if I haven't said that already. We bought a sectional sofa, chaise, and ottoman at Big Lots on Easter. We have to rent a Uhaul to pick it up and take our old stuff to the dump and that can't happen until Friday. Taking the car in to the dealership on Tuesday to have the brakes and transmission fluid replaced and also have the alignment done. Went shopping on my day off; got new work pants, some jeans (because I only had one wearable pair), some work shirts, and some new tank tops, though I think I'm going to go back and get different sizes of them. The girl at Maurice's convinced me to get a size medium because that's what she wears (for the record, she cannot squeeze herself into a medium and still have the ability to breathe). I like the tank tops, I just think I should've gone with a large. I mean, my boobs are being pressed against my spinal cord.

Anyway, I also finally bought Microsoft Office Student and Corel Painter Lite. I feel like my laptop is complete now.

My forehead is tingling. Every so often it does that. Maybe Voldemort is around. (I'm not a huge HP fan, but I did see the first movie in theaters.)

Mohs Surgery Recovery: Stitches out!

I actually got my stitches out yesterday, but forgot to write about it. Yesterday was 12 days after the surgery; seems a little weird, but ok. The nurse was impressed with how good the wound looked. One more week of Vaseline, then they gave me this Dr. Blaine scar repair stuff. It's a silicone patch that you stick over the scar for 12 hours. It last up to three months. I'm thinking I'm going to cycle it over all my scars- stretch marks, piercing scars, acne scars, etc. I also have to start massaging the wound on April 14th. Not looking forward to that. It says it will hurt and that's normal. Ick.

Mohs Surgery: Looking better

Getting my stitches out on Tuesday. I think all the puffiness is gone from my face and the stitches don't hurt so much. Still can't make my usual faces.

Chris did laundry last weekend and managed to not wash most of my work clothes. I had to pull out my emergency pants and such. Becka and I hung out yesterday and went to the mall. I bought some shirts at Old Navy; some of my staples shirts have holes in them. I also picked up a pair of jeans there. They are super comfortable. I didn't think I could find a comfy pair of jeans again. Next time I get paid I'm going to have to pick up another pair. I also bought new cami tank tops (for $20/each!) but I might return them to get another size or something different. It rode up on me the whole time we were at the grocery store. Super annoying.

You know what else is annoying? I randomly chose to use H & R Block online to do my taxes, we'll have to wait 4-6 weeks to get our refund because they didn't update their system. I, for one, think they should cut people checks for their refund since it was their stupid fault. Anyway, when we finally get that, I'm going to have to buy Microsoft Office. Blah. It's like super freakin' expensive. I tried asking my advisor at Penn College of Technology if they somehow gave students a discounted version, but he never got back to me. Worst. Advisor. Ever. So thankful I'm done after this semester.

Mohs Surgery Recovery: Days 4, 5, and 6

Well, I'm back to work! Monday, I had some people wondering if it was ok for me to be working. I was still pretty puffy and yellow around the eyes and I actually had quite a bad headache, but I made it. Each day I look more normal, or so my boss says. I discovered last night, however, that I can't make my usual faces. I think I'm making them, but my eyebrows don't move. I can raise them a little, but I can't do my pensive, brooding look. This is me trying:

They had a Safety Pot-Luck Healthy luncheon today and when I went down to get some fruit, some of the MIS (computer) guys gave me weird looks. Do you know how frustrating it is not to be able to make faces back?! I can't make faces at Chris anymore when he says something stupid, either! I end up just closing my eyes a bit and staring at him; does not have the effect I'm looking for.

My stitches are very itchy. I'm also down to my last two band-aids, but down to $.03 in the bank account. We really need to stop spending money on eating out.

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Mohs Surgery Recovery: Day 3

Went out in public today with Chris. We were going to grab breakfast at Denny's, but stopped at Shoe Carnival first. It was their grand opening or something. Chris didn't find any shoes he liked but I got two pair. Denny's was packed and it was close to noon so we decided to go to Texas Roadhouse, which just opened on the 11th. We stopped at Shoe Fly, though, and Chris got a nice pair of New Balance shoes and some insoles. He pretty much paid twice the amount of money for one pair of shoes that I did for two, but he had foot trouble. I must say, I got a lot of stares from people. Not kids. I was afraid I would scare kids walking around with a huge bandage on my forehead. I know Damian was asking about it when he came over the other night, but that was it.

I think I'm allowed to sleep in bed tonight, but I might stay in the recliner. Well, not the recliner recliner, but the couch that reclines. That frickin' recliner hurts my back and legs. Got a couple new cold packs, too, but they don't seem to be helping the swelling. My eyes and the top of my nose are swollen now. I think it's affecting my sinuses, too. Very stuffy. Going to take some Sudafed later.

Mohs Surgery Recovery: Day 2

Feeling much better today. Got a call from my doc (he's such a nice guy) making sure I was alright. He wants me to keep putting ice packs on my head. Do you know how hard that is? To sit and watch TV balancing an ice pack on your forehead? And I'm running out of things to watch. I switch back and forth between Psych, Supernatural, and the Dish. I noticed they have season two of The Killing on Netflix, though. Might have to throw that into the mix. Maybe find some movies. Tomorrow I'm supposed to take off my bandage and clean my stitches. I'm going to have to send Chris to Martin's to buy bandaids that'll fit over it and some regular Vaseline. They want me covering the wound with a thick layer of Vaseline; I have some, but it's with cocoa butter and I don't want to risk having some kind of reaction.

I managed to get a bath, though it's probably going to be a while before I can wash my hair again. Not sure if getting a bath was such a good idea. Hot water, lots of movement, I could feel my stitches throbbing. They told me I'd have to watch my blood pressure because I could start bleeding under the stiches and then they could burst. Lots of nice imagery there.

Mom and Damian came over tonight with spaghetti dinners the school was selling. We watched the Amazing World of Gumball and then mom offered to do the dishes. Damian and I played around on the Xbox (he wanted to play a game, but didn't know which one so we had to try out all of them.) And when I say my mom did the dishes, she did, like, every single one. I had mugs and cups that we hardly use sitting on the counter to be washed whenever and she did those too. Wiped off the stove, even. And then, vacuumed the kitchen floor and took out the trash. <3

Mohs Surgery Recovery: Day 1

Well, that's me right after surgery, just beginning to feel the stitches. We were a little late getting to the doctor's today. We woke up to a little snow, but the main street was a sheet of ice. We hardly made it up the hill. I'm not sure why they had school at all today; not even a two-hour delay. Anyway, we got there a little after 8 and by 9-ish, I was in the waiting room while they looked at the tissue they cut. Lots of old people in the waiting room with me. The doc said I'm probably one of the youngest patients to have that surgery in their office. I must say, the worst part of the original cutting was the shots to numb me up. The cauterizing was a little off-putting, but I couldn't feel it, just hear it.

A little after 10, they called me back to the room and said they had gotten all the cancer. The doc started to discuss how he was going to stitch it up. Chris actually came back with me and saw the hole in my head. He said it was the size of a quarter and looked like someone had stuck a lit cigarette into it. Yum. Anyway, the doc said he was going to have to make a football shape around the hole so the stitching would look ok. They told Chris to go back to the waiting room and then numbed me up some more, yay. The nurse put some kind of soap all over my face...I mean, all over, lips, eyebrows, even in my hair. I think there's still some on me, actually. The doc took forever to come back in, but once he did they started cutting some more. By the time they got to doing the stitches and more cauterizing, there was a spot I could definitely feel something. I told them, but it actually felt better than them giving me another shot, so I just let it go. He gave me a script for Vicodin that Chris and I picked up while we got lunch.

The doc told me to take the pain pills when I got them, to not wait for it to hurt. So I did. It didn't say anything on the label about taking it with food, thank goodness because I really did not feel like eating. I had a migraine on top of my forehead pain. I was about to call the doctor's office when they called me. I told them that the pain pills didn't seem to be working too well and the chick asked me if I was making sure I ate when I took it. I said no and she told me I should because it could make me feel sick if I took them on an empty stomach. Well, my third round of Vicodin, Mom came over to visit, and I ended up running to the kitchen to puke. That chick totally jinxed me. I called the pharmacy and she told me to take ibuprofen. Half hour after taking just two ibuprofen pills I was feeling 100% better. So ibuprofen it is from now on.

For the next two nights I have to sleep in the recliner. Not the most comfortable place for me. Our stupid furniture makes me hot, but then I'm cold. It's a constant battle; and I can't lay my head down. Argh. I also hate that I can't do anything for myself. I had to take off work today and tomorrow and possibly Monday, depending on how I feel. I'm not supposed to do anything but sit here for two days and then I still have to take it easy. No bending over or lifting stuff.

To sum up, we were there for four hours, they got all the cancer in one cut, and I'm pretty sure she said the measurement of my stitches was 4.0. I thought that was inches at first, but now I don't know. I don't think it's quite 4 inches.

Yup, it's skin cancer

Finally got the call today. The thing on my forehead is basal cell carcinoma. My Mohs surgery is scheduled for this Thursday at 8 AM. I originally thought I would be ok to come to work at 1 that day, but after talking to some of the nurses here and doing more Googling, I've decided to stay home that day. It's really going to depend on how many times they have to take me back to cut more of the cancer out. I'm thinking it shouldn't be too bad; I noticed it after only a few months. Some of the stories I read online, people had waited years to get it checked out.

Anyway, now I'm Googling which sunscreen is the best (some sunscreen ingredients cause skin cancer...did you know that?) and thankful that I bought Bio Oil for my piercing scars. I still have some left and I'm sure I'll be using that on my forehead after it heals.

Skin cancer?

I noticed a weird lesion in the center of my forehead back in December. I've tried to put eczema stuff on it and whatnot, but nothing made a difference. Not sure what made me think of it the other day but I was looking at it thinking it could be skin cancer. So I made a derm appointment and they got me in super fast…we're talking the day after tomorrow fast. I wasn't thee very long and the PA said the lesion was "suspicious". They took a biopsy right there in the office. She numbed it (with a needle full of stuff- that was fun) and then shaved a piece of it off. They're supposed to call me in a week to let me know either way. For now, I have to walk around with a band aid on my forehead. I might go to Holiday Hair tomorrow and get them to trim my bangs cuz I hate doing that.

Blah

Well, Chris is off first shift and on third now, so I'm still in a funk. Though, hours of watching Supernatural at night have helped. Oh, those guys are so hot! Anyway, some quick updates. Chris hadn't paid his local taxes since 2004 and had gotten a letter in the mail about paying it back. He did. Then, he got another letter saying he needed to file returns for 2005-2011 in 10 days or they would file charges. After searching through the mess that is my file cabinet, I managed to find all his W2s for those years and he got his taxes done. He ended up owing them $57. Yeah...they were going to send him to jail for less than $60.

My mom turns 60 tomorrow, which means this year I'll be turning 30 in May. Every so often I feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis. It's hard to tell, though, if it's that or the clomid I'm taking. Speaking of which, no update there. Still on met and clomid. I think I have two months left before the doc gives up on me. I tried explaining to Chris why I'm so gung-ho about this. He thinks that we should wait til we have money (which will be never) and didn't know why I was always so upset when people talk about kids and whatnot. I tried to explain to him that the "specialist" the doc wants to refer me to will most likely recommend IVF or something and that's generally not covered by insurance. And then he said we could adopt. I explained to him how that also costs money. Anyway, I'm sick of thinking and talking about it.

I got the pink done in my hair again, but it's fading out already. I'm considering getting my hair cut short, but I'm not sure how Chris will feel about it. Last time I got bangs and highlights he said I looked like a lesbian. Yup, that's my husband.

Goodbye, statistics!

Dropped that stupid statistics class today! That's a huge weight off my shoulders. Now I only have one class and after that's done, hopefully I'll be all set up with St. Francis. I sent them my app today and should be faxing the rest of the info they need tomorrow.

Last night, I took the 10th or 11th OPK test of the two boxes I bought, and for the first time ever, the test line was almost as dark as the dummy line! Tonight I think they'll match! Maybe the metformin is helping after all!

Exploring more options

Just sent an email to an adult student advisor for St. Francis college, which is a little closer to home. They offer online classes and classes at locations near my house. The more I think about PCT, the more my stomach hurts with anxiety. I know I have statistic homework to do, but I don't know when it's due or how in the world I'm going to do it. Reading that book is like reading Hebrew.

I'm in a funk. I hate that Chris is working first shift. I come home, he's in bed. I feel like all I do is sit and watch TV alone. Well, not alone. I have Baby here with me. And Sam's stinky breath. When I get up, he's gone. Hopefully this doesn't last long.

Ugh

That's the general feeling I've had this week. The flu is going around and I think I'm fighting it off. Right now I feel feverish and like there's something boring through my forehead.

Classes officially started on the 14th. I got my books, they're horrible. My statistics syllabus is as thick as a novel and includes this wonderful tidbit, "WARNING-If you cannot spend 18 hours per week on this course (on average), then this distance-learning format is not right for you. Many students who have been working full time while being fulltime students have ended up withdrawing from this course in previous semesters." It also requires scanning my homework assignments, using something called Minitab (which I'll probably have to buy), and using a T84 (???) graphing calculator. I dropped off my signed syllabus "assignment" late. It is not looking good already.

I already drafted an email to my adviser a day or so before school started about dropping out, but I figured- I only have two classes, I already got student loans for them, it shouldn't be that hard. I really don't understand why I need this statistics class. I'm really starting to hate this school.

I should've researched a little more. I only chose PCT because it accepted South Hills credits, but barely. I mean, I took healthcare statistics. That made sense. Their online format is horrible, I think at least. Assignments are hidden in folders and links and it doesn't always prompt you when you're missing stuff. My management teacher...if I met her in real life, I'd punch her lights out. I didn't do any of the weekly assignments she listed because I didn't know where they were. Not once did she email me asking why I didn't do them. Her weekly emails had to be so many sentences and all kinds of other bull shit that I cannot deal with.

I miss South Hills. =( It would be awesome if Penn State had Health Information Management at the Altoona Campus. I could go there in the morning and then come to work at 1.

I can't think.