Day Two-ish

It's Day Two for me counting my calories, but it's Day Three for exercising and whatnot.  Going to do treadmill and yoga again tonight.  How would I describe my mood this week in a few words?

I. Am. Starving.

MyFitnessPal.com (and the app for my Blackberry) had me at only 1200 calories/day.  That is not a lot, people.  I did some research and found some other websites and I think I'm going to aim for 1500 until I lose some weight.  Weighing less should bring my BMR down, which in turn, lowers my daily calorie limit.




Or I could just hang myself.

I gave in and made an appointment with a dermatologist; they can't get me in until March 23rd, though.  I did try another facility, and their wait is even longer.  One doc's wait is up to Sept!  Anyway, my fingers are frickin' killing me.  Every time I touch paper at work, it feels like I'm touching acid.  My face rash is coming back as well.  I'm very afraid to let it go, though.  If it does turn out to be Lupus, that rash can scar your skin.  (That's what messed up Seal's face.)  I don't want that to happen.

Chest pains

Tomorrow the weight loss challenge begins.  We get weighed in.  Can't wait to see what I'm up to.  =|  I'm definitely going to try to walk on the treadmill.  Don't know how I'm going to do any other kind of exercise; my chest has been hurting for the past couple weeks.  Just bending over to get clothes out of the dryer today was alarmingly painful.  Seems to be twisting movements.  I feel like my breastbone might crack or something.  It's still bothering me now, even though I took three ibuprofen.

I did some research...on myself.  I copied and pasted my old blog into a MS Word file and edited it to maybe one day be a book.  Well, I looked up when my face started bothering me the first time.  It was Jan. '05.  Seven years ago.  I've been dealing with this cycle of eczema/steroid cream for seven years.

Maybe I should go to a holistic healing person.  Get a detox foot bath and have my palms read.  I need to do something.  Every time I go to the doctor they think nothing's wrong with me.

Dear laptop,

I'm sorry I haven't used you in a while.  SWTOR has taken up a lot of my time.  Remind me to inform Chris and his friends that our Sith toons will have to be on the back burner; Monday starts the weight loss challenge at work and I need to get on the treadmill....forever...like literally.

-Mary

Good God, hopefully I'm this swollen on Monday for the weigh in.  Then I'll spend all week peeing out all this water weight, holy crap.  My hands are normally swollen in the morning, but recently my hands, arms, feet, and legs have been swollen almost all day.  My fingertips are super sore today, too.  Not sure why.  It's Saturday; I did absolutely nothing today.  I mean, the most "irritating" thing I touched was water.  But, then again, water is a  universal irritant.  I learned that in beauty school.

Something else I learned in beauty school?  I'll fail if I don't wear make up.  Yeah.  After my teacher gave me a "talking-to" about how my not wearing makeup was going to bring my beauty school average down, you'd think I wouldn't have gotten out of that habit.  Then again, it was almost ten years ago.  

Well, I'm done rambling.  I'm going to go bathe my hands in scent-free, special eczema lotion.

Lent

I've decided.  For Lent, I'm giving up being tolerant.  I'm giving up trying to be an acceptable person in society. For too long I've tried to not make goofy faces when someone says something ridiculous.  I've gone too long without picking on someone for liking U2 or Creed *shivers*.  I've tried to cut back on saying, "Holy balls!" and all my other fun sayings because I don't want to offend anyone.  Well, you know what that makes me?  Vanilla.  Boring.  So, to start off my Lent...

Lent is dumb.  I've been using the excuse that I don't like Catholics because I dated one, but that's all it is: a good excuse.  It's really because that whole religious "system" is absolutely ridiculous.  The Pope?  The Pope is the only one who can talk to God?  Read the Bible...for yourselves.  Praying to Mary?  Really?  And all the other Saints?  Do you know what that is?  Idol worship.  Having crucifixes everywhere?  Idol worship.  Preists and Nuns?  Do they realize that God wants people to procreate and be happy?  Obviously they get the procreating part; they're against any kind of birth control.  My ex practically choked on his tongue when I said my gyno might put me on the Pill.  And LENT?!  Really?  For a few weeks (or however long it is, I have no idea) let's eat fish on Friday.  REALLY?  Lent is supposed to be giving up something you can't live without: smoking, chocolate, alcohol, Mountain Dew.  Not eating f'ing McDonald's fish sandwiches for a month.  Everything's about tradition.  Now, I'm not against traditions, but to make someone feel like they're going to hell for eating a turkey sandwich on a Friday?  Yeah, I'm against that.  I hate the fact when I say I'm a Christian, I'm automatically lumped in with Catholics because that's what they call themselves.  From now on, I'm saying, "I'm saved."  And when people ask what that means, I'll tell them, "It means I read the Bible for myself and believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins...and I can talk to him any time I want."

Pissy mood

Ugh, I have been in such a pissy mood this past week and a half.  I couldn't figure out why.  I just wanted to sleep; been stress eating and craving stuff- I drove to Sheetz in the middle of the night because I NEEDED Mountain Dew and something chocolate.  (I thought the next day I would get my period or something, but no.)  It took me a couple days, but I did eventually figure it out: we just learned that someone on Chris's side of the family is pregnant...again...to a guy who has three kids to a different chick, who was told she couldn't have kids.  I should've realized it sooner.  Almost every time I find out someone's pregnant (who I don't think deserves it, if that makes any sense at all) I get in a horrible mood.  Why?  Because, frankly, it's not fair.  And I'm gonna end on that note before I go off on some kind of rampage.

A coworker brought in a list of foods that are beneficial, neutral, or awful for blood types.  I mentioned that I don't know my blood type and coworkers suggested I call and ask my doctor's office.  Well, the lady who answered the phone laughed at me when I asked, and she said something about blood work.  I told her I've had blood work done by them before, and she went to ask a nurse.  When she came back, she told me "no"; they have to actually order a blood typing test to find it out.  Everyone at the office said to go donate blood; they type your blood there.  I said, "Do you want me to pass out and/or throw up in front of a complete stranger?"  There are kits you can buy online, but that costs money, which I don't have.

I've been applying for part time jobs around, but haven't heard anything back from anyone yet.  Ulta probably saw my facebook page and didn't want my face behind their counters; there went THAT application.

The Nearsighted Owl: Giveaway: Vintage from Yessiree Petunia

The Nearsighted Owl: Giveaway: Vintage from Yessiree Petunia: This giveaway is really neat because you get to pick what you like! I will let Lesley tell you more about it. I'm Lesley Jean. T...

Fingers

Losing my fingerprints

I'm going to try to get a better picture tomorrow outside (if it's sunny).

They were very burny and itchy today at work.  It hurts to touch certain paper products, like manila envelopes.  I did some research during our down time and found other people experiencing the same thing; doctors gave them varying diagnoses, though.

Sexy by Spring

The other weight loss team's name was leaked!  They're going with "Sassy by Summer".  We, naturally being one-uppers, went with "Sexy by Spring" as our team name.  Weigh-in is the 27th, so I still have some time to fatten up!

I keep telling myself to walk on the treadmill, but I end up playing Star Wars.  =\  I need to make some kind of chart; for every hour I play SWTOR, I need to walk a mile on the treadmill...or something like that.

I watched Beetlejuice for the first time the other night.  I wasn't allowed to watch it when it came out...and after seeing it, I understand why.  Someone should remake it, though.  I think now, with CGI and all that fun stuff, it could be really amazing.  Not 3D, though!  Holy crap, enough stuff is 3D.

Still grappling with myself on whether to get my hair cut or not.  Again, it all depends on the money.  No money=no hair cut at all.  I want to chop it off, but then I don't.  I don't want to draw unwanted attention to my fat head.  It's not long enough to donate to Locks of Love and have a decent amount of hair left.  Argh!  Decisions!

Face rash

Extremely itchy.  I took a pic of it before I had to put steroid cream on it.  Thinking about making an appointment with a dermatologist.  SO ITCHY!

Weight loss challenge

Well, on Feb. 27th, work is starting a weight loss challenge.  Our building already has two teams made up.  The ladies in the office somehow got my name on the list.  I told them I didn't want to do it; I'll be the reason we lose (the contest...not weight).  Oh well.  It gives me something to aim for I guess.  I have been enjoying Pepsi Max as my diet beverage of choice.  I can actually drink it and not want to vomit immediately. 

The ladies at the office are crazy for wanting to lose weight anyway.  All of them are thin in my eyes and perfect.  I don't know why they don't see it.  I told them I could lose a lot of weight if I chopped my boobs and ass in half and donated them to people.  I also had a great idea of donating my boobs to women who've had mastectomies.

Uck.  My hair is getting to that point where I want to chop it off.  I really like the color of Beyonce's hair here:

But I hate when my hair is long enough to stick under my arm...or accidently inhale (nose and mouth...I've done both.)  And this is all just me talking under the pretense that I actually have money to get my hair done with!  HA!

And the trek continues...

My blood pressure is fine now (of course); not sure if I mentioned that yet.  I read more about Cushing's and I don't think that's what's wrong with me.  The other night while I was playing Star Wars, my hands (which were cold, as usual) started tingling.  Not like they fell asleep, but like someone was poking my fingers with thumbtacks every so often.  The next morning  I woke up to swollen hands with little red bumps on certain fingers.  I could hardly write because of the swelling and because the tips of my fingers were just sore.  They feel better today, but the lumps are still there.  I'm still kinda swollen, too.

I Googled it, of course.  About a billion things about Lupus came up.  Once again, my health-Googles have brought up Lupus.  Headahces?  Lupus.  Fevers?  Lupus.  Face rash?  Lupus.

Thank you, House.  Seriously, though, back in the day when I first got the rash on my face the doctor I saw wanted to test me for Lupus.  I foolishly said no...because I was squeamish and couldn't handle getting my blood taken.  Now I'm a pro at it.  Can I just go to the doctor and say, "Hey, test me for Lupus now?" seven years late?  That doctor I saw retired and they probably got rid of my records.

Anyway, enough about my hypochondriac...ism?  I need to find a part time job.  My student loan payment are going to be due soon.  Hopefully, they'll reduce them.  I'm not paying 150 some dollars a month; that's ridiculous.  I applied at Ulta a while ago but haven't heard anything.  It's probably because I can never pass those quizzes they give you during the application.

Beautiful day

The view from my window.  The sun's going down now so it's not as pretty (and the picture quality on my phone sucks).

I plan on working on my newest story tonight.  I must work on it...I think I've only written ten pages so far, if I'm lucky.  I just haven't been able to get in to it.

My old website

The girl who hosts my old website never took my pages down.

maryment

Dreams and aspirations on my way home from work

I was driving home after picking up some Micky D's for Christopher (who sprained his ankle, see below) and I had a revelation.  I have no idea why, but I thought about being a teacher and how, at first, the students wouldn't believe anything I say (like I never believed my teachers).  But years later, when they're my age, they would understand and say, "Hey, Mrs. Knight was right!" and that felt good.

But I would have a Billy Madison moment if I was a teacher.  Instead of the fat, young kid, though, I'd grab the skinny girls who think they're fat (or the kids that say they can't wait to move out on their own) and cry, "Don't you say that. Don't you ever say that. Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it!"

Anyway, Chris fell down our stairs yesterday.  I had to leave work to take him to the ER (yes, I pretty much just dropped him off at the ER doors and raced back to work...I only get half an hour for lunch!)  His foot/ankle is pretty swollen.  They said it was sprained.  I had to leave work again to go pick him up since he didn't have house keys.  They gave him crutches.  I tied an old purse to one of his crutches so that he can carry stuff around with him.  Thank God this happened while he's laid off.  Hopefully it's better before he gets called back to work.

It's really slow at work tonight.  I walked out to the quiet fax machines and instinctively said, "Wow, did the rapture happen?  Was I left behind?"  There's a story behind that.  In elementary school, it was seemingly required that in Bible class you watched the series of movies starting with A Thief in the Night.

Yeah, high quality stuff.  Circa the 1970's, the movies are all about the Rapture happening because of computers.  The Mark of the Beast is a binary 666 tattoo.  Anyway, I distinctly remember a friend and myself  being terrified after that of the Rapture happening.  One of us would come to school and tell the other one how she walked downstairs and no one was home; there's usually a pile of clothes sitting somewhere.  Instant fear: the Rapture left you behind.

PS.  They executed the people who became Christians via guillotine.  I wonder if the teachers at that school know how much those movies scarred me and pretty much shaped my childhood...and fear of guillotines.